I Don't Really Watch Chuck: An Introduction

Hello and welcome to my new blog called I Don't Really Watch Chuck. This blog is all about recapping the NBC television series Chuck. But, as you may have guessed from the title, I don't really watch the show. Nevertheless, I will try to recap it the best that I can. I may paraphrase some things. I may put a spin on some things. Hell, I might just make some stuff up if it sounds better, but you will know what happened on that episode. More or less.

So why take on this venture? I'm glad you asked. Here are my three reasons for doing this blog:

Reason 1: Chuck is a dumb show.

To date, I have only seen two episodes of Chuck -- the 3D episode after the 2009 Super Bowl, and one I can't remember anything about. From those two shows I gathered one fact about Chuck -- Chuck is a dumb show with a dumb premise with dumb characters. Chuck is a show about an electronics store technician who somehow gets the government's database of villians imprinted onto his brain and is now a reluctant secret agent. That's pretty f***ing dumb. But that's just the overall plot. Basically, from what I gather, every episode of Chuck is an episode of Get Smart-meets-Maxim magazine-meets-a Best Buy ad. Bumbling Agent and Cute Agent go on missions and everything works out in the end. There's gratuitous stuff for the guys. There's nerdy/tech stuff for the nerdy guys. What better reason to target a show for unintentional humor?

Reason 2: Chuck has nothing left to lose.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And it doesn't get much more desperate than a show that was saved from cancellation by a persistant fanbase buying footlongs at Subway. As such, this will most likely be Chuck's final season. And when your show is set to do or die, anything goes. Expect to see Chuck in a fat suit. Expect to see Chuck travel through time. Expect to see Chuck at a nudist colony. Expect to see Chuck karate chopping special guest star Regis Philbin. This is the time shows like Chuck go from wacky to bat-sh*t crazy. And I can't wait.

Reason 3: Why not?

Look, this show isn't Meet the Press. It also isn't Sesame Street. Hell, it's not even Lost. This is a show that bothers no one, and impresses no one. Why not shine a little light onto it, if even for a little harmless ridicule?

So, I've made my case. Let's get onto the recapping. But first, I have a little confession to make. I don't really know any of the characters on Chuck. Yeah, I know that's a little hard to believe. And this new season starts next week. That doesn't give me much time to learn all the characters, so I'm just going to introduce you to my version of the characters so we're all on the same page going into Season 3:

This is Chuck. Chuck is always referred to as Chuck. Otherwise, the show would be called something else.

This is Agent Cheesecake. Agent Cheesecake is the smart, yet sexy agent who can't stand Chuck but will eventually fall in love with Chuck. She is regularly put in situations that require her in skimpy outfits, or in some form of fantasy condition -- such as wet clothes, or seductively making a yogurt sundae.

This is Agent Hardass. Agent Hardass is a constant hardass to Chuck. He's on the show because Agent Cheesecake's boss is too secret and serious to be shaking her fist at Chuck all the time, so he does it instead. Also, he can't be kind to, or even smile at Chuck at any point in time. Otherwise he'll break some prime directive in his programming and his head will explode.

But enough about the spy guys. Chuck has a normal life, and a normal job:
LOL I'll pretend you said Big Lots. Anyway, Chuck has friendly coworkers at the Big Lots, such as:
This is Chuck's best friend Seth Mays. His face is the perfect combination of Seth Green and the late pitchman Billy Mays. And just like Seth Green and Billy Mays, he's immature and a huge pain in the ass.

This is Larry. Yes, Larry from the Three Stooges is alive and works at Big Lots.

This is the Token Indian Guy. Every show needs a token Indian guy, and Chuck is no different. I'm pretty sure this character is not the same character from The Big Bang Theory or Heroes.

This is Elusive Connie. This character allegedly works at Big Lots although I've never seen her on a single episode. In fact, when looking from screencaps of Chuck online I went through pages upon pages until I found this picture. Maybe her appearances are like some kind of drinking game for the fans.

This is the boss at Big Lots, Carl Winslow. You know, the dad from Family Matters. Well now he's a boss at an electronics store. Which is ironic because he always hated that nerd Urkel.

I have no idea who these people are. I think they either live with Chuck, or have breakfast with Chuck, or are slowly gaining his trust so they can rob him blind while he's at work.

So now you know the characters involved. All we need now are new episodes. So come back soon because the new season starts January 11th and I'll be all ready to do some Chuck recapping. More or less.