Friday, May 21, 2010

Chuck Versus the Fake Name aka Chuck Versus Sinister Jerk and the Leftover Sopranos

Previously on Chuck, Smallville got the scoop about Cheesecake from Seth, Bad Superman brainwashed Cheesecake into falling in love with him, and Seth and the Unknown Lady saw Chuck make out with Smallville.

This show starts at the Unknowns’ apartment, where the Unknown Lady is telling the Unknown Guy that she still can’t believe that Smallville was Chuck’s big secret all along. Unknown Guy, trying to ignore his wife by exercising, just goes with it and acts like that was the secret he was keeping from her the whole time. Unknown Lady mentions that she’s hurt Chuck didn’t tell her about Smallville sooner, considering how much they see each other when she breaks into his apartment unannounced.She points out to Unknown Guy that he used to tell her everything until he started getting involved with Chuck, so he must be hiding some secrets too. Unknown Guy informs her that he hasn’t spent time with Chuck in about four episodes, and in that time his character hasn’t done anything notable enough to be a secret.

Unknown Lady checks his pulse and yells that he’s lying and that his heart is racing. Unknown Guy explains that it’s racing due only to exercise, especially ever since he started taking that anxiety medicine the doctor put him on. He tells her that if she’s so obsessed with Chuck and secrets, she should just go over to his apartment and bug him instead. The lady, driven by thoughts of breaking in and bugging Chuck, thanks the Unknown Guy and run out the door. The guy quickly locks the door behind her and screams to get her annoyance out of his system.

Unknown Lady quickly busts out the glass in Chuck’s front door and lets herself in. Upon hearing the shower running, she starts creepily shouting to her naked neighbor in the shower that she should have picked up on him and Smallville earlier. As the shower turns off, the lady stalks the bathroom door and says that she promises not to tell Cheesecake about Smallville. The door opens and out comes Smallville in a towel, for her mini-Cheesecake Moment of the Week.

Smallville sees Unknown Lady and screams bloody murder, asking who the hell she is. Chuck walks in, confused by the broken glass and sees Unknown Lady. He also screams bloody murder and asks what the hell she’s doing there.The lady just shrugs and Chuck exhaustingly introduces the next-door neighborhood to his near-naked girlfriend, emphasis on “friend” and not “girlfriend”. Smallville, still a little startled, awkwardly excuses herself to go and get ready for work.

As Smallville leaves, Unknown Lady starts gushing like a proud parent again. She asks Chuck for the billionth time why he never told her about Smallville. Chuck explains that she really wasn’t on the show that much and he had stuff to do. To keep her from bugging him all show long, Chuck offers to make his famous Macaroni and Cheese for dinner tonight and invites her and the Unknown Guy to join Smallville and him. Unknown Lady smiles and accepts. On her way out, she reminds Chuck that she’s very happy for him, especially for finally getting over Cheesecake.

Speaking of Cheesecake, she and Bad Superman are eating at a fancy outdoor restaurant, where Superman continued to throw cheesy pick-up lines at her.Cheesecake overrides her programming for a second to tell Superman that they shouldn’t be anything more than just co-workers. Superman asks if this means she’s breaking up with him. Before she can say anything, Superman snaps his fingers, causing Cheesecake to double over in agony. Superman picks her up off the ground as their target’s car pulls up. Superman signals Hardass, who’s on a nearby rooftop with a sniper rifle.

The agents’ target is a sinister looking man walking up to the car the valet has just brought up. The man gets in, and then quickly gets back out to yell at the valet for stinking up his interior.As the valet sulks off, Hardass nails the jerk with a tranquilizer shot. Superman and Cheesecake quickly scoop him up and drive away in his car.


Later in the spy basement, the Sinister Jerk is handcuffed to a chair in a side room. Cheesecake explains aloud to Bad Superman and Hardass that the jerk is an extremely elusive, very skilled assassin. Hardass says he’s not impressed. Cheesecake assures him that KAOS is, since they wired $1 million to his personal account to make a near-impossible hit on someone. Bad Superman says this is the basis for this week’s mission – someone will pose as the Sinister Jerk to find out who KAOS wants dead. Hardass accepts, saying he’s perfect for the job. Superman explains that the show is called “Chuck”, so no surprise on who’s really getting this assignment. He also points out that Chuck’s been fairly consistant using Google lately, so he’ll have that to fall back on. Superman asks what Cheesecake thinks. She just shrugs and admits Chuck does want to be a real spy.

Chuck swaggers down into the basement and presents a box of donuts to the three agents. Bad Superman asks what the deal is with Chuck. Hardass guesses that he got lucky on his date last night with Smallville, giving Cheesecake a smug look. Cheesecake just rolls her eyes at Hardass. Chuck spots the Sinister Jerk in the side room and instinctively Googles “sinister jerk,” returning an extensive Soldier of Fortune fansite, and many posts on KAOS-related forums. Taken slightly aback, Chuck asks what the jerk is doing in the basement.

The three agents explain that his assignment this week is to assume the identity of the Sinister Jerk, the world’s most dangerous assassin. Bad Superman informs Chuck that in taking an alias, he must constantly be in character. Chuck starts to dork out about taking drama in high school, and Superman slaps him.Cheesecake justifies it by saying that if he isn’t constantly in character, the jerk’s contacts will kill him. A little leery, but determined, Chuck asks what the overall plan is.

Superman and Cheesecake explain that Hardass will extract the meeting details from the Sinister Jerk, and Chuck will go meet the contacts, posing as the jerk. Chuck asks how a guy like Hardass will be able to get information out of a world-class killer like Sinister Jerk. Hardass grabs a blowtorch and gleefully heads into the side room. Concerned, Chuck runs after him and follows inside.

In the side room, Hardass lights up the blowtorch, but Chuck waves him off, thinking that asking the jerk personal questions would be a better way to get what they want.After a few dumb questions, the Sinister Jerk tells Hardass he’d rather be tortured. Chuck mimics the jerk word-for-word, only in a Hugh-Jackman-Wolverine voice. The jerk’s cell phone rings and Chuck grabs it. Doing his best Wolverine impression, Chuck talks to the contracts and gets the meeting information from them personally, squashing Hardass’ hope of causing the jerk a great deal of pain.As Chuck hangs up, Hardass sucks up his loss and tells Chuck he did a good job. Chuck may have knocked a screw loose somewhere, because now he’s stuck in Sinister Jerk mode.

Intro credits. Commercials.

A little later at the Big Lots, Carl Winslow has called a meeting of all the clerks. Chuck, now completely back to normal, and Smallville are all over each other, making the entire room feel uncomfortable, especially TIG and Larry. Carl announces that, ever since the last episode, for some reason Seth has gone on a massive drinking binge and is taking time off to seek help. Since the sales floor is now without a key manager, Carl decided to actually show up to work today to lead the Big Lots. That’s when one thing became glaringly obvious to him – the store is making zero money. Between the amount of false deliveries and an abandoned sales floor, the Big Lots is inching into the red. Chuck silently tries to hide himself in the crowd.

To make some quick revenue, Carl has decided to set up a lemonade stand at the front of the store and asks for some volunteers to man it. TIG and Larry start to slink away, forcing Carl to assign them to make the lemonade.TIG and Larry protest, but Carl explains that they have to do it. Mostly because the group of clerks is made up of just those two, Chuck, Hardass, Smallville, and a bunch of cardboard cutouts, and Chuck, Hardass, and Smallville are starting to set up the cutouts around the store. TIG and Larry give in and start to help Carl squeeze lemons. As he sets up some cutouts in the dog food aisle, Chuck tells Hardass he needs to get out of the mission by 5:00 today so he can start dinner for Smallville and the Unknowns. Hardass grumpily offers to send him home sick with a concussion for being an idiot and thinking there’s early dismissal in the spy biz.

Back down in the spy basement, Bad Superman is leaving the side room while Cheesecake re-shackles Sinister Jerk to the interrogation chair. Sinister Jerk tells her that he’s a big fan of the show and that he really got a kick out of seeing her in the wet bikini at the beginning of the season.Superman glares at the jerk from the other side of the two-way mirror. Sinister Jerk asks if she still has the nurse outfit from the Devon episode, and Cheesecake fastens the last handcuff very tightly and shoots him a dirty look as she leaves the room. Superman goes back into the room and coldcocks the jerk, dropping him to the floor.Cheesecake acts a little shocked, and Superman explains that’s why he doesn’t want her doing Cheesecake Moments when he’s around.

At the same time in Big Lots, Chuck is still kissing Smallville and they talk about what they’re doing today at work. Both say they’re going to be in the store stocking the shelves. Laughing that off, they both actually admit that they’ll be going on fake deliveries today. Chuck offers to pick her up for dinner tonight and she accepts. TIG and Larry watch all this go down and start to feel jealous and lonely.

Later that day in the spy basement, Chuck is dressed to look just like Sinister Jerk. Hardass says Chuck’s too big of an idiot to do this alone and comes out dressed like…um, Russian Fonzie meets Inspector Gadget. Bad Superman and Cheesecake inform them that they’ll be meeting in a bar across town with two guys leftover from The Sopranos. I never watched The Sopranos, so I think the older guy played Grandpa Pussy or something, and the other guy may or may not have even been on The Sopranos.

Either way, Sinister Chuck and Russian Hardass enter the bar and Grandpa Soprano immediately falls for Chuck’s disguise. Sinister Chuck introduces Hardass as his associate, but Grandpa says he looks familiar. Hardass sneers it off.Grandpa tells Sinister Chuck that he’s surprised an elusive guy like him would actually show up in person. Sinister Chuck replies that they should consider it an honor and asks who his target is. Grandpa glosses over Chuck’s question and asks anyone else in the room if they recognize Hardass. Hardass shrugs it off again.

The other Soprano, Maybe, asks Sinister Chuck what his toughest hit was. Chuck gets in Maybe’s face for asking stupid personal questions. Maybe looks terrified until Chuck pulls back and says he was just playing around, and he and the Sopranos laugh it off.

Out in the spy van, Cheesecake nervously clicks a pen. Bad Superman asks if she’s ok. Cheesecake says she’s worried about Chuck because he sucks at lying. Superman finds that hard to believe, mostly because he’s been blowing smoke up the ass of his friends and co-workers for the past two years to cover his tracks. Cheesecake insists this mission is different. Superman explains this is just part of his job.Cheesecake laments out loud that for her the job never ends and she doesn’t even know who she is anymore. Superman contemplates turning up her lovestruck programming so she won’t be a complete downer this episode.

Going back to the bar, Maybe is about to tell Chuck his target’s name, when Grandpa shouts out where he remembers Hardass from. Grandpa calls out the name he remembers him by, and Chuck’s Google searches for it. Google returns the federal record for a faceless sniper from Honduras.
Grandpa identifies Hardass as a fed and all of the goons in the bar draw their guns on him. Hearing all this go down, Bad Superman gets pissed. Cheesecake tells him she can’t think of how to get Hardass out of there. Superman reminds her that they can’t abort the mission because they still need to know the KAOS target.

Sticking to the Sinister Jerk character, Chuck asks Grandpa if he really thinks Hardass is a cop. Grandpa says he does, and starts to wonder who Chuck really is. To throw them off, Chuck grabs Grandpa’s gun and pistol-whips Hardass aggressively. Chuck points the gun at Hardass and tells the Sopranos that if Hardass is a cop, he’ll personally kill him.

Commercials.

After the break, Hardass is being duct taped to a chair by Chuck, holding him at gunpoint. The Sopranos tell him to stop stalling and kill him already. But Bad Superman is in Chuck’s ear telling him to stall a little longer while backup arrives. Hardass gives Chuck a sneer, but Chuck says he can’t kill him. He explains that he’s an assassin, not a low-rent killer. He also throws in that if he kills Hardass, he can’t get any information out of him. The Sopranos and Hardass agree that makes sense.

Chuck tells Hardass to talk, but Hardass refuses. Chuck gives Hardass a “work with me” look. Hardass responses with a “screw you, I’m in character” look. Grandpa thinks this requires special equipment and pulls out a small kit from behind the bar. Chuck opens it to reveal a handful of makeshift torture devices.Chuck freaks a little and grabs something that looks like a pair of scissors with pincers and walks over to Hardass. Inferring it’s a tooth extractor, Chuck grabs Hardass by the jaw.Hardass motions at Chuck to use it, but Chuck resists. The Sopranos all start to get suspicious. Hardass again gives him the go-ahead and Chuck begrudgingly pulls out one of Hardass’ back teeth, while Grandpa looks on approvingly.

As the tooth pops out, Maybe looks impressed while Chuck and Hardass still look shocked. Suddenly riot cops bust into the bar and pin down Chuck and all the bad guys. The cop pinning Chuck reveals herself as Agent Cheesecake.Chuck breaks character and confesses he’s extremely scared right now. Cheesecake gruffly tells him to keep up the act and think what the Sinister Jerk would do in this situation. Chuck zones out and brings up the Google Search History for “kung-fu.”

One by one, Chuck beats down all the riot cops while Grandpa and Maybe run off. After the last cop is down, Chuck runs out after them. Outside the bar, Maybe tells Sinister Chuck that they’ll call him later about the target.Inside the bar, all the cops pick themselves up off the floor. One of the cops reveals himself as Bad Superman and thanks all the faceless cops for the backup. Hardass, with a sore jaw but still impressed, says that Chuck was a like a completely different person through it all. Cheesecake looks concerned after hearing this.

Later in the day, Chuck comes screaming down into the spy basement, complaining that he doesn’t have time to get everything ready for his dinner at 5:00. Chuck finds Hardass, who says that Bad Superman and Cheesecake are already at his apartment starting dinner for them. Confused, Chuck says that doesn’t make any sense, especially because both agents have taught and commended him about disregarding friends and a social life to become a better spy. Hardass admits it didn’t make sense to him either.

Chuck apologizes for pulling out Hardass’ tooth. Hardass isn’t concerned, mostly because it was throwing his sneer off anyway. Hardass looks around to make sure no one’s watching and goes against his own prime directive by telling Chuck he was proud of the good work he did at the bar. An alert comes in on a nearby computer that Hell has just frozen over.

Two nameless federal agents walk through the spy basement with a captive Sinister Jerk. The jerk yells at Chuck for daring to pose as him. Hardass tells Chuck that the jerk is being taken to interrogation, which is what I thought the side room was for. Sinister Jerk lunges at Chuck, but Hardass knocks him to the floor, where he finds one of Chuck’s Big Lots pens. The nameless agents pick him up off the floor and take the jerk away. With that excitement done with, Chuck asks Hardass what the deal was with the sniper alias Grandpa Soprano called him out on.Hardass suddenly gets angry and sneers that Chuck needs to mind his own damn business about some things. Chuck gets disturbed by the sudden outburst and Hardass huffs off.

Chuck walks back into Big Lots, feeling around in his pockets for his misplaced pen. He sees Smallville, gives her a kiss, and the two take off. Over at the now fully constructed lemonade stand, TIG and Larry see the two leave together and discuss all the red herring girlfriends this show has thrown to Chuck, including the girl from Smallville. Larry says there’s nothing to discuss, since all roads for Chuck lead back to Cheesecake. TIG tells Larry to just go with it, since this is the most screen time either of them has had in about four episodes.

Across town in Chuck’s apartment, Bad Superman and Cheesecake are setting up for Chuck’s big dinner, all while Superman makes passing glances at Cheesecake. They hear Chuck, Smallville, and the Unknowns walk up to the door, and the two agents vanish like ninjas.Everyone walks in and is amazed at the setup, especially Chuck. Unknown Guy asks when he had time to get everything in order, considering he worked today. Chuck shrugs it off and says his life is a big juggling act. Chuck asks to see Unknown Guy in the kitchen.

With the two alone, Chuck confesses to the guy that he had nothing to do with dinner tonight. Unknown Guy starts to get a little unstable, mostly because he left his anxiety medicine at home and he can’t lie to the Unknown Lady without it. Chuck tells him to chill out about lying to his wife about things. To help him out, Chuck suggests to just say “I don’t know” if you can’t think of a good alibi on the spot. Unknown Guy understands, but still feels uneasy.

Later during dinner, Unknown Lady admits she never liked Chuck’s macaroni and cheese. Until tonight, that is. She complements Chuck on not leaving a bunch of cheese powder residue in the bowl and asks what the Unknown Guy thinks about it. The guy robotically says “I don’t know.” She asks how he couldn’t know what he thinks about the meal. The guy still says “I don’t know.”


Unknown Lady shoots him an awkward look, then asks Smallville what she thinks.Smallville replies that she wants to make a toast. Everyone raises a glass as Smallville announces that for once in her life everything is going great – a great job, a great boyfriend, and a great dinner.Meanwhile, Cheesecake watches the festivities with puppy-dog eyes on a screen in the spy basement. Superman walks in and gets a little upset that she’s still pining over Chuck. He reveals that he snuck out some extra mac and cheese for the two of them. Cheesecake, in no mood to put up with another meal full of awkward come-ons, tells Superman she’s not hungry and that she’s clocking out for the day. She asks Superman to take over keeping an eye on Chuck, but before he can respond, she’s gone. Superman is left alone in the basement looking very upset.

Meanwhile, Sinister Jerk is in the back of the two nameless agents’ van being driven to wherever he’s going. But I don’t think he’s going to make it there, since he pulled out Chuck’s dropped pen and used it to pick the lock on his handcuffs.

Commercials.

The next day at Big Lots, Chuck is standing at the service desk checking out Sinister Jerk’s cellphone. He’s probably just happy this bad guy cellphone looks like a normal phone and not a KAOS-made light-up makeup compact.Smallville comes by and rudely snatches the phone out of Chuck’s hands, asking if it’s new. Instead of taking his phone personally and snatching it back like a normal person would do, Chuck just says it’s a new store model, so not to raise suspicion.

Smallville abruptly invites Chuck to meet her parents that are coming from out-of-town tonight. Chuck looks a little confused, but she explains this will make up for her having to meet his creepy, breaking-and-entering, Peeping Tom neighbors. Chuck says “sure.” Carl drags Chuck over to the lemonade stand, leaving the jerk’s phone with Smallville. Carl explains that word got out about his amazing dinner last night, and he figured Chuck’s gourmet palate should test the lemonade. Chuck tries to talk his way out of it, but TIG and Larry start telling dirty jokes about Smallville sucking down more than just macaroni last night.Chuck takes a big gulp to get it over with. At the same time he sees Smallville take a call from the jerk’s phone, answering it as a Big Lots employee.Chuck swallows it down and complains that the lemonade tastes like pee. As he walks back to the service desk, Carl, TIG, and Larry laugh and all high-five each other.

Chuck walks up just as Smallville gets off the phone. He asks who was on the phone. Smallville says it was a wrong number – some stereotypical Italian man looking for a sinister jerk. She explains that she told the caller this was a Big Lots store and he said he would be there in two minutes. Fortunately, just then, Smallville gets called away by a customer.

With her back turned, Chuck springs into action. He takes back the cell phone from Smallville’s back pocket, throws some gel in his head from Health and Beauty and swipes a cheap dark jacket for Menswear. After this, he heads out the famous backdoor loading dock. Chuck goes to call the agents on his spy watch, but the Sopranos sneak up behind him and pull his watch off. Maybe stomps it to pieces on the ground because it looks gaudy. Grandpa says Chuck needs a more professional-looking watch for a man of his stature, and replaces it with an even gaudier gold watch.

The Sopranos ask what he’s doing at a Big Lots. Sinister Chuck says that he has a thing for expired cans of RC Cola. The Sopranos accept that, and Grandpa tells him he has good news. To make up for saving them from the cops, Grandpa and Maybe have already located the target that Chuck is supposed to kill. Chuck plays along and says that is good news.

It’s a good thing Chuck didn’t try to call the agents for backup because it looks like they’re off-duty today. Cheesecake goes to a hotel room that we’ve never seen before, and a shirtless Bad Superman answers the door.Cheesecake gets a little mad that Bad Superman has a double-standard about Cheesecake Moments and asks him to put some clothes on. Superman slips into the bathroom and asks what she wants and how she got there. Cheesecake admits she doesn’t really remember why, but something in her prime directive wants her to apologize for blowing Superman off for dinner in the spy basement. Superman smirks, knowing his programming has finally kicked in this episode, but simply tells her that it was no big deal. Cheesecake, now a completely different person, giddily shrugs it off. Superman tests her by asking if she’s ok with Chuck going out with Smallville. Cheesecake robotically says that doesn’t concern her. Superman wrings his hands and says “eeeexcellent.”

Chuck and the Sopranos storm into a different hotel room and it suddenly becomes obvious who Chuck’s target is. Even though Chuck is posing as a highly-skilled assassin with his own arsenal of personally calibrated weapons, the Sopranos have set up their own mega-sniper rifle by the window for Chuck to use. Chuck puts on magical headphones that will let him hear for hundreds of feet without a visible microphone and sits down to look through the rifle’s scope.As expected, the target is Superman in his hotel room. Chuck jerks back in shock, but looks back into the scope and listens in to what he’s saying to Cheesecake.

He overhears Superman force the hypnotized Cheesecake to vent out her frustrations about our favorite Big Lots employee. She says that she can’t stand that Chuck is changing so much, pointing out such things as ripping out Hardass’ tooth, stabbing Nerdy Beak-Faced Guy in the back, and constantly lying to Smallville. Superman plays devil’s advocate and explains that Chuck is just becoming a bigger spy. Cheesecake replies that this is now affecting the lives of people he loves and it’s like she’s slowly watching the wacky, lovable Chuck disappear.

Grandpa tells Chuck to take the shot already, but Chuck is still eavesdropping on the two agents. Cheesecake goes on to say that the more she watches Chuck disappear, the more it makes her miss who she really is. Superman realizes that this range of questioning was the wrong idea because, if she starts to get too sappy over Chuck, she’ll cancel out his programming.

Superman changes the subject and makes her tell him something that nobody, not even Chuck, would know. Cheesecake confesses that she’s been on the Chuck Assignment for almost three years and nobody knows her first name. Superman admits it never crossed his mind, and that he honestly thought it was “Cheese.” Cheesecake, embarrassed by her first name, struggles not to say it. Superman just stands there eagerly waiting.

As Chuck is eagerly waiting too, the Sopranos are starting to get testy and want to know what the holdup is. Chuck just tells the two to shut up. Cheesecake holds out for another five minutes, but then gives up and says it – Gwendolyn.Chuck rears back surprised. Superman knows he’s got some subconscious link to her now and asks the pretty Gwendolyn for a kiss.Just as he expected, Cheesecake shows no inhibitions and gives Superman a very passionate kiss. Chuck stares through the scope with his jaw on the floor.

Commercials.

Chuck, now in a deep state of shock, walks away from the mega-sniper rifle and just keeps mumbling “Gwendolyn” over and over. Grandpa reminds him that the target isn’t a “Gwendolyn”, but Agent Steven B. Superman. He explains that their contractor, who we can assume is KAOS, thought he was dead and when they found out Superman wasn’t, they got the Sopranos to call in the Sinister Jerk.

Grandpa goes back and asks who this “Gwendolyn’ is. Chuck explains that she’s the woman in Superman’s room and that him and her are on-again-off-again. The room has suddenly turned into the set of Dr. Phil as Maybe asks what’s keeping her and Chuck apart.Chuck says it must be his job. Grandpa doesn’t understand why she’d reject him, since he had his priorities straight. Chuck agrees and adds that it was even her who wanted him to get better at his job. Maybe puts two and two together and says it’s weird that, of all people, his target is stealing his girlfriend. Chuck says that’s a good point. Grandpa says this guy really deserves getting taken out now.

Back at the spy basement, somebody has to hold down the fort and it’s Hardass. At the moment he’s on the phone with the spy agency, saying that he lost contact with the van of agents carrying the Sinister Jerk. The spy agency confirms that they never received the Sinister Jerk and Hardass starts to see the Fission Mailed on the wall. Hardass sneers and quickly calls another spy hotline to get Chuck’s last known location.

But at Chuck’s current location, Grandpa asks for the millionth time what Chuck’s waiting for. Chuck takes off his jacket and grumbles that he can’t do it – he has to go over there and look this guy in the eye before he kills him. The Sopranos understand and Maybe says they’ll be watching with the sniper rifle ready if anything goes wrong.In the meantime, Sinister Jerk is running a trace on his cellphone, which is in Chuck’s jacket pocket. So now he knows where to find Chuck. Hardass also runs the same trace and finds out too.

Chuck marches over to Bad Superman’s hotel room, still in Sinister Jerk mode, and pounds on the door. Superman lets him in and Chuck gives him a shove. Cheesecake asks what the deal is and Sinister Chuck tells her to shut up. He looks at Superman and yells that no one messes with the Sinister Jerk. He leans into Superman and whispers that they’re being watched.Despite obviously being able to hear Superman’s room with the magic headphones, Grandpa and Maybe just look at each other and shrug.

In character, Sinister Chuck threatens Superman that he’s going to end him for stealing Gwendolyn.Superman, seeing an opportunity to take a shot at Chuck, tells him that he had a chance with her and blew it. Realizing Superman wasn’t playing along, Chuck suckerpunches him. Superman comes back by tackling Chuck to the floor.

Across from Superman’s hotel, Sinister Jerk walks into the Sopranos’ hotel room where Chuck left his cellphone and coldly shoots Grandpa and Maybe dead. He looks through the mega-sniper scope to see Superman and Chuck wrestling on the floor. Assuming he can’t get a good shot this way, the jerk puts down the rifle. He ends up running over to Superman’s hotel, all while Cheesecake is telling the two men on the floor to stop.

Somehow realizing the Sopranos are now out of the picture, Chuck, while getting choked, tells Bad Superman to stop fighting. He explains he just did it because the room was being watched by two KAOS agents with a high-powered sniper rifle. Although, as Superman starts to back off, Sinister Jerk storms into the room to kill them all.He overpowers Cheesecake, drops her to the floor, and goes after Bad Superman. Across the street, Hardass runs into the Sopranos’ hotel room to find both men dead.

Sinister Jerk also takes down Bad Superman and finally goes for Chuck. Chuck puts up his fists and desperately asks Google for any results that will help. Since he’s so nervous, Google comes up empty and the jerk grabs Chuck by the throat, jacking him up against the wall.Seeing Cheesecake knocked out on the floor does Chuck no favors, and soon his Google shuts down entirely. Bad Superman kicks Sinister Jerk away from Chuck, but the jerk draws a gun as Superman stops to regroup.

Sinister Jerk grabs Cheesecake off the floor and puts his gun to her head. Both Chuck and Superman tell him to not to do it. Sinister Jerk observes that they’ve both got a thing for her, so he’ll take her out of the picture. Cheesecake grabs for the gun, and both Chuck and Superman react as a shot is fired and Cheesecake falls to the floor.That is, until her eyes open and she stands up, revealing a dead Sinister Jerk lying behind her with a gunshot right between the eyes.The camera zooms across the street to Hardass at the mega-sniper rifle. He gives a happy sneer, thankful that for once he doesn’t have to hear everyone kiss Chuck’s butt for saving the day.

Commercials.

Later that evening, an emotionally-distressed Chuck shows up at the Unknowns’ apartment. Unknown Lady answers the door and Chuck admits he’s desperate to talk to someone. The lady is a little confused but touched that Chuck finally remembered that she requires constant attention. Drained after seeing Superman with Cheesecake and having Google crap out on him, Chuck confides that he feels like he’s living a lie and that he’s just not himself anymore. Unknown Lady confesses that she’s seen him so little, all she knows about his life is that he’s moving a little fast with Smallville when he probably still wants Cheesecake.Chuck misinterprets this into thinking the problems in his life all stem from Smallville, and that he should dump her and more aggressively go after Cheesecake. Chuck walks away in a daze trying to put all this together while Unknown Lady celebrates that she got more than two scenes this episode.

Chuck shows up to the restaurant where Smallville and her family are waiting for him. He walks up to the table, introduces himself to Mr. and Mrs. Smallville, and then asks to speak to their daughter in private.Meanwhile in the spy basement, Cheesecake struggles to concentrate in front of her laptop. Eventually she succumbs to Superman’s programming, grabs her purse, and marches out of the basement. Bad Superman watches all this and smirks victoriously.

Outside the restaurant, Smallville nervously asks Chuck what the matter is. Chuck gets serious and tells her that there are parts of his life he can’t explain to her and he can’t stand to keep being dishonest to her. Chuck tells her he has to end their relationship so she can be with someone who won’t have anything to hide.Smallville seems puzzled by this rejection, but quickly holds her ground and throws it up to Chuck that it’s a major dick move to break up with someone, not to mention with their parents present, after you’ve slept with them the night before.

Smallville angrily tells Chuck that she actually thought he was a nice guy. Chuck assures her that he is. Smallville says that he isn’t, especially after she moved all the way to Chuck City for some crap job to be with him, which he reciprocated with dinner, sex, and public displays of affection, only to breakdown out of the blue because he has some bogus mystery life that until this point has never affected their relationship. Chuck brings up when Vladimir trapped her at the museum. Smallville smacks him upside the head and reminds him that was the night they became a couple. Chuck shifts uncomfortably. Smallville just throws up her hands, realizing that all the things he told her must have been lies. She tells him that he can just get lost and enjoy of his big, fat liar life. Smallville walks off pissed, while Chuck stands there dumbfounded that his spy-level of lying has finally come back to haunt him.

A short time later, Cheesecake walks back down into the spy basement with some food. With her programming wearing off, she questionably gives him the food – some Chinese take-out and a Thermos of lemonade from the Big Lots. Cheesecake warns him that the lemonade smells funny, but after a long sip, Superman tells her it tastes just like the lemonade Chuck made for him a couple of weeks ago. Realizing she’s back to her senses again, Bad Superman tells her “thank you Gwendolyn,” triggering her to become passionately in love with him.Cheesecake throws herself at him and gets a long, slow, seductive kiss. Superman looks at the camera and gives a thumbs-up. But on the other end of the spectrum, Chuck walks away from the restaurant looking mad and downright suicidal.

Well, looks like Chuck went from the MVP of the show, pulling off the Sinister Jerk well enough, to shooting himself in the foot by ditching Smallville just to try and win back Cheesecake. On one hand, this makes sense if he’s throwing away that relationship to become serious as a spy. But on the other hand, that makes no sense since he reached out to the Unknown Lady and is going after Cheesecake. Or maybe I’m over-analyzing this and she just needed off the show. Whatever the reason, I’ll see you next week!