Monday, March 8, 2010

Chuck Versus First Class aka Chucks on a Plane

This week we start out in the Big Lots as Seth is walking around the store getting terrible looks from all the clerks. In case you missed it last week, Seth was promoted to assistant manager by Carl Winslow and is now despised by every single clerk for disrupting their Fight Club.Seth makes his way to the break room and stops to put on an oven mitt before using the door knob, knowing there would be an electric heating coil attached to it.

Entering the room, Seth goes to talk to TIG, but realizes that he’s replaced himself with a cardboard cutout for the fifth straight day. Larry offers Seth a cup of coffee, but upon seeing thumbtacks and razor blades floating in it, turns it down. Seth addresses the room and tells the clerks to stop with all the pranks. They’re starting to turn scary and lethal and, honestly, are a big waste of energy. He tells them they could at least be like TIG and refuse to show up. Seth then turns to Larry and asks him to stop clocking in for TIG each day. He concludes that they should just give up, because he’ll never fall for their tricks. He knocks the TIG standup out of the way of the last seat in the room…only to sit down on a giant puddle of glue.Realizing he’s stuck, two of the clerks activate the C4 detonator timers around the break room and all the clerks walk out. Larry carries away the TIG standup and ignores Seth’s screams to at least send Chuck in to help.

But Chuck is on the sales floor talking to Hardass, who apparently works there for some reason. As he stocks month-old cereal onto the shelf, Chuck asks him what the deal is with Bad Superman always hanging out in the spy basement. Hardass says that, oddly enough, there wasn’t a random apartment available in Chuck’s complex so he’s living in the spy basement for now. He can do that because, as a CIA special agent, he can do whatever he wants, including taking over as lead of their team. Hardass also adds that whenever a special agent is assigned to a mission, they conduct a review on the current team, and right now he’s questioning Cheesecake.

Bad Superman starts off by criticizing Cheesecake for showing up in her skimpy yogurt shack outfit. Before she can explain the 18-to-34 male demographic waiting for the Cheesecake Moment this week, Supes cuts her off and asks if she considers Chuck a real spy. Cheesecake says yes. Superman finds that hard to believe, since all of his information shows that Chuck goes into every mission with a full head of steam, fails miserably, but then comes out smelling like a rose. With that said, Superman asks her if Chuck is really just a liability.

Chuck in the meantime is nervous, since the review is centered around him, and tells Hardass that he just wants Superman to know that he is indeed a real spy, and not just some guy who got lucky with Google in his brain. Suddenly, a loud explosion rocks the Big Lots and Seth comes flying down the back hallway onto the sales floor.Seth wheels himself over to Chuck and asks if now he believes that TIG and the clerks are trying to prank him to death. The explosion activates Hardass’ Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder and he tells Seth all he needs is five minutes to take down the threat. As Seth starts to consider it, Hardass steps away to take a call. It’s Bad Superman looking for Chuck for the next review.

In the spy basement, Bad Superman is feverishly writing notes at the conference table, while Chuck and the other agents sit around the table in silence. Cheesecake sits uncomfortably, since she’s been ordered to wear less revealing clothes this week. Chuck blurts out that Superman shouldn’t listen to whatever Cheesecake and Hardass have said about himself or his ability. The two agents shoot Chuck dirty looks, since they’ve been behind him ever since he was rehired four episodes ago. Superman tells Chuck to can it.

Bad Superman says that he has gone over the team information from the last two years and he has found why the team is so dysfunctional….it’s the fault of the agents. They’re not letting Chuck grow and evolve as a spy. Chuck is shocked to hear that, but totally agrees, like the unqualified suck-up he is. Cheesecake and Hardass are shocked, and Cheesecake tells Supes that Chuck is simply not ready to be a spy. As usual, Bad Superman shrugs off what Cheesecake has to say and tells Chuck that he’s lined up for his first solo mission – going undercover in Paris. Supes asks him if he’s ready. Despite the agents staring daggers at him, Chuck says “absolutely.”

Intro credits. Commercials.

After commercials, Chuck and Bad Superman are walking around the main floor of the Big Lots. Superman is so serious about his job, he decides to take out a spy gadget and discuss it in public.It’s a spy pen with a secret compartment that squirts knockout drops. Supes says Chuck’s test is to tranq Larry, who has his coffee lying on the service desk. He assures Chuck that, from looking into everyone’s file at Big Lots, Larry will be just fine. Chuck points out that his name is Larry Fine. Superman confesses that Chuck caught him, and Larry’s file was just the first one he chose. Chuck accepts anyway.

Chuck goes over to Larry and tries to spark up a conversation. Larry, remembering what happened to Unknown Guy when Chuck buddied up to him, immediately gets weirded out. Chuck assures him that everything is okay with a pat on the shoulder, and a little squirt of knockout juice into his mug. Larry screams out that he doesn’t want to wear an explosive headset and runs away from Chuck. Chuck walks back to Bad Superman and asks what the next trial is. Superman tells him if he can poison a man, and strike that much fear into him just by patting him on the shoulder, you’re ready for the big time. He adds that Chuck has been on a new assignment almost every week for the past two years, which is more action than most spies see in their entire life. He only brought him to the Big Lots so he could talk to him in private. And besides, the other two agents kept looking at him funny and he wanted to see if Big Lots had any good, cheap DVDs. Superman tells Chuck to trust him that he’s ready, as he walks up to the checkouts with a copy of The Fifth Element. Seth walks by the service desk and spots Larry’s coffee. Considering Larry wouldn’t poison himself, Seth takes a big sip and immediately passes out.

Later in the spy basement, Cheesecake and Hardass are going over everything Chuck will need for the mission, such as his alias, his contact in Paris, and what’s in his suitcase. Hardass pulls out nunchucks and asks why he’s packing them.Chuck reminds Hardass that since he has a problem with guns, he wanted some type of offensive weapon just in case. Hardass decides not to bring up how he was Capt. Duck Hunt with dual tranq guns last week. Cheesecake asks Hardass to speak to Chuck alone. Hardass rolls his eyes and leaves the room.

Cheesecake tells Chuck not to go on this mission just to impress Bad Superman. Chuck says that Superman is a highly-trained CIA special agent telling him he’s got potential, and he doesn’t want to prove him wrong. Cheesecake almost laughs in his face because he doesn’t see how Supes is setting him up for a later fall. Cheesecake tells Chuck again that he is just not ready to go right now. Bad Superman butts in that Chuck is going and he even got the Spy Boss to make it official. Lastly, Superman tells Chuck that secret spy magic has set up a sub-network on his phone so he can constantly communicate with the spy basement without the plothole of poor connection, or occasionally ringtones. He informs Chuck that a car is waiting for him outside to take him to the airport and hands him his plane ticket. Chuck looks at it and dorks out about his seat being in first class.The agents look at him like it’s no big deal, so Chuck knocks it off and goes upstairs to head to the airport. As soon as he’s out of the room, Cheesecake imitates Chuck dorking out and then smacks Superman upside the head for telling Chuck he’s ready for a real mission.

Getting onto the plane, Chuck is stunned how luxurious first class is with its own bar, big screen TV, and huge seats that look like Japanese toilets. The stewardess asks for his jacket and Chuck stammers that she can take it, but first he has to take out his phone and his pen. The person seated next to him, the Asian chick from the TV show Smallville, makes small talk about his pen and then cutely introduces herself to Chuck. Chuck cutely introduces himself back and has instant chemistry with her.

The stewardess comes by and offers them champagne to drink. Chuck initially turns it down because he’s on business, but accepts it after Smallville threatens to take it instead. They playfully try to guess what occupations everyone else in first class has. They pick out diplomats, other businessmen, and Chuck picks out the Yale fencing team. Smallville doesn’t get it until they turn around revealing their Yale fencing team t-shirts. Smallville asks why Yale would spring for first class just for a team of around four guys. Chuck shrugs it off. Smallville turns to Chuck and asks what he does for a living. Chuck says that he works in low-end retail at a very reputable store.

At the same time, at that reputable store, Hardass walks past the arcade crane machine by the front door and notices Seth stuffed inside. He’s knocked out, with his lips starting to turn blue from suffication. Hardass bangs on the glass, waking Seth up.Seth starts to panic, but Hardass bashes the glass with his elbow, freeing Seth and a good amount of balls and toys. A group of no-named clerks start to gather, but Hardass sneers and growls at them, scaring them off.Seth, regaining his composure, tells Hardass he’s impressed how he commands the clerks’ respect. Hardass replies that he doesn’t command it, he takes it. Seth thinks about that as Hardass walks away, pulling pieces of glass out of his elbow.

As the plane takes off, Chuck and Smallville are where you would expect them – unbuckled and seated at the bar, where Chuck orders a Bond-style martini. Questioning his choice in drinks, Smallville calls Chuck out on not traveling in first class often. Chuck stumbles a little, but eventually says he flies from whatever city Chuck takes place in to Paris and back all the time. Chuck decides to finally ask what she does for a living. Smallville says she’s a field rep for a chain of 99-cent-stores and handles the opening of new stores, with the most recent one being in Paris. She also tells Chuck that, since this is a TV show, where she’s staying overlooks the Eiffel Tower, the only landmark in Paris. Smallville asks if he’s been there, which Chuck lies about and says he has many, many times.

A bald, muscular guy locates his seat next to the bar and sits down. Smallville points him out to Chuck and asks him to guess the guy’s occupation.Accidentally Googling on “bald, jacked-up guy found near bars”, Chuck returns many fansites and the Wikipedia page for WWE wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin. Chuck gets a little starstruck until he reads the last part of his Personal Life information. After leaving the WWE due to injury and personal grievances, Stone Cold has become a hired assassin for KAOS, known for murdering people by throwing them through breakaway folding tables. Chuck excuses himself to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom, he quickly calls the spy basement to report what he’s seen. Before Chuck can say anything, Bad Superman asks if he’s seen and Googled Stone Cold yet. Chuck, surprised he knew about Stone Cold, says yes. Superman says to forget Paris, his mission is on the plane.

Commercials.

Back from the break, Chuck and Cheesecake still can’t believe that the mission is on the plane. Bad Superman clarifies that the mission is actually Stone Cold himself. He’s carrying a special crypto key in his luggage. The plan is for Chuck to take out Stone Cold, grab his ticket, and match the ticket with its bag in the cargo hold to retrieve the key. Chuck says there’s no way he can take down a huge guy like Stone Cold. Bad Superman reminds him about the knockout pen, and Chuck finally gets the idea. Cheesecake tells Chuck to be careful around Stone Cold, since he is a master of hand-to-hand combat, not to mention the Mudhole Stomp, the Lou Thesz Press, and double-fisting beers. Chuck starts to get cocky, but eventually dorks out once again about being in first class. Cheesecake hangs up on Chuck before he can gush about the hot towels and yells at Superman for not telling her what Chuck’s real mission was. Supes cuts her off and explains that her yelling is the main reason he didn’t tell her. Cheesecake reminds Superman that there’s no way for any of them to save Chuck in mid-air. Superman says that it’s time for Chuck to step up and prove how valuable an asset he really is.

Cheesecake throws the gauntlet down and asks Superman just who the hell he thinks he is, not to mention, who is he anyway? Neither Hardass nor her have heard of him. Superman explains that he likes to keep his secrets. He also takes a jab at Cheesecake being all about secrets, since her father was a conman. Cheesecake is disgusted that he read her file, but Supes has even found stuff not in her file, such as photos of her in Lisbon waiting to jump the shark with Chuck, all the while being AWOL from the Spy Boss. Cheesecake blurts that it’s not what he thinks it is. Superman says what he thinks it looks like is either that Cheesecake is a double-agent, a straight KAOS agent, or that she has the hots for Chuck.

Chuck senses that relationship issues are bogging down the show, so it’s time to get down to business. He walks over to Stone Cold’s aisle and asks if he can take the empty seat next him, explaining that Smallville will not give him any peace and quiet. Stone Cold says ok.Chuck tries to make annoying smalltalk with Stone Cold who, in return, pulls out his iPod and headphones and leans back to take a nap. Seizing the opportunity, Chuck puts up the aisle divider, checks if anyone is watching him, and loudly says he’ll work on a crossword puzzle, pulling out the knockout pen. He aims it at Stone Cold’s beer and feverishly clicks it to try and squirt out the knockout drops, except all it’s doing is clicking the tip in and out. Stone Cold surprises him by stating that due to cabin pressure the pen won’t work. Chuck freaks a little thinking he’s caught, but Stone Cold means that the ink won’t come out. Stone Cold grabs for the pen to take a look, but Chuck pulls it away, spraying the man in the face with the knockout juice. Stone Cold tastes the liquid and, realizing it’s not ink, grabs Chuck by the throat. Assuming Chuck’s a spy, Stone Cold asks who sent him as he squeezes tighter.Chuck squirts the knockout drops right down Stone Cold’s throat as he threatens him, knocking him…well…stone cold. Chuck kisses the pen for saving his life and grabs Stone Cold’s ticket.

At the Big Lots, Hardass heads to the burnt out husk of what was once the break room and calls Cheesecake to see how Chuck is doing. Cheesecake, knowing the even bigger hardass of Superman is listening in, lies and tells him everything is fine. Seth walks into the destroyed break room and asks Hardass for a favor. Hardass hangs up the phone and says no, he will not rebuild the break room. Seth says that’s not what he’s talking about, and then pulls rank as the assistant manager and tells Hardass he needs his help. Hardass cracks his knuckles in disapproval. Seth confesses that there’s no way he can go against TIG and his lethal gang of pranksters alone. He’s worried all this pranking will either end with Seth dead, the store burning down, or maybe both. The mention of “lethal gangs”, “death”, and things “burning down” reactivates Hardass’ PTSD from earlier and he starts to zone out. Hardass robotically mumbles that the people responsible are insurgents and they must be neutralized. Seth wrings his hands and says “eeeeeeexcellent.”

Walking around the plane, Chuck’s phone magically gives him the access code to the cargo hold door, which he makes his way to and goes inside. Inside the cargo hold, Chuck calls Bad Superman and does his best Captain Obvious impression by saying the holding area is cold. Superman responses with his best Captain Obvious impression and tells him to check Stone Cold’s ticket for the corresponding suitcase to find the damn key already. Superman hangs up before Chuck can ask any more stupid questions.

Since he hasn’t been a complete douchebag for a while, Bad Superman regains his douchy persona by reminding Cheesecake that he only has one weakness – that he’s always right. Cheesecake doubts that. Superman responses by challenging her to prove him wrong about what he’s figured out – that she doesn’t challenge Chuck, but instead wants to protect him. Not to mention that she followed Chuck to the spy training camp in Lisbon. Superman puts his foot down and says she knows he’s right about those things, just like he’s right about Chuck and this plane mission. Cheesecake stops everything and throws it in Bad Superman’s face that he’s dead wrong about the plane mission because Chuck always gets the big, fat Fission Mailed on all of his missions, and there’s no way he’s going to ace it.

The sounds of a failed mission activate Stone Cold’s watch, which detect that he’s passed out and his blood pressure is dropping. To counter this, the watch sends out a mild electrical shock to wake up Stone Cold. Stone Cold realizes that his ticket is gone and sneers.

In the cargo hold, Chuck finally finds Stone Cold’s luggage, which looks an awful lot like a big metal coffin. Chuck immediately calls Bad Superman.Superman says the reason Stone Cold packed a body is so he can hide the crypto key somewhere on the body, and he won’t get stopped by customs. He also tells Chuck he’s going to have to search the corpse for the crypto key. Chuck says that’s gross. Superman tells him to make like Nike and just do it. Superman, starting to get tired of Chuck’s constant stupid questions, hangs up abruptly and slams the phone on the table.

Chuck searches the body by first unfolding its arms, only to find the key taped to the inside of one of the palms. Stone Cold must have taken one too many chairshots to the head, because as far as hiding a small flash key-like device on or in a corpse, the inside of the palm is probably up there with taping the thing to his forehead on the obvious-hiding-place list. Nevermind that it has its own built-in LED making it completely obvious where it’s hiding. Anyway, Chuck takes the key and looks up to see Stone Cold entering the cargo hold.Chuck feverishly calls back Bad Superman.

Except that in the spy basement, Superman’s cell phone is ringing in the middle of the conference table. Cheesecake goes to answer the phone, but Superman tells her not to do it. Supes says that this part of the mission is easy, so Chuck doesn’t need to ask any more stupid questions, especially since Stone Cold is knocked out. Cheesecake smacks Bad Superman upside the head because, on this show, saying something like that has just ironically jinxed Chuck. Superman still refuses to answer the phone because he just wants two seconds without dumb Chuck on the phone, so he can check his email.

Getting no answer on the phone and with Stone Cold lurking around, Chuck desperately jumps into the coffin, which is massive enough to hold two people, and comes face-to-face with the corpse, who kinda looks like a human version of the Cryptkeeper. Chuck tells himself not to freak out.

Commercials.
Still in the coffin and out of ideas, Chuck calls Hardass who is busy setting bear traps around the Big Lots stockroom. Chuck quickly explains his mission and tells Hardass that he has the key, but Stone Cold is right outside the coffin. Hardass points out that the next step is for Chuck to get caught, because he’s in the most obvious hiding space, not to mention Stone Cold would probably check on his “luggage” anyway. He tells Chuck that the plan is, when he gets caught, to scream like a little girl to distract Stone Cold, and then find any weapon and Google on it to take him out. Chuck asks what if he 404s. Hardass says in that case, it was nice knowing him. Just then, Stone Cold pulls Chuck out of the coffin and Chuck makes a sound resembling Pavarotti smashing his big toe with a hammer.Hardass, and the rest of the Big Lots, hears this through his phone and he hangs up and calls Cheesecake. Hardass tells Cheesecake that Chuck’s been captured. Cheesecake relays this to Superman, who rolls his eyes and reestablishes connection with Chuck’s phone.

Stone Cold stands up Chuck and punches him in the gut. As Chuck reels back, Stone Cold grabs a steel folding chair. Having seen Wrestlemania 17, Chuck knows that Stone Cold is lethal with a chair and starts to look around for a weapon. Luckily he is right next to the luggage of the luxuriously traveling Yale fencing team.Chuck pulls out a fencing sword from the bag, successfully Googles “fencing” and starts to fend off Stone Cold. Awkwardly, the sword deflects off of Stone Cold’s steel chair several times, hitting the luggage cargo net next to them instead. Stone Cold laughs as he sets up Chuck for a nasty chairshot to the face, when Chuck cuts one more strand on the cargo net, freeing the luggage and burying Stone Cold in a mountain of it.In his pocket, Cheesecake is on the phone asking what happened. As he goes to tie up Stone Cold, Chuck says to call him George W. Bush because the mission is accomplished. Chuck hangs up before Cheesecake can tell him that’s a bad analogy.

At Big Lots, Seth has all the clerks gathered in the furniture department for a meeting. Several employees, including Seth, walk in with bear traps attached to their legs. While Hardass pries the trap off Seth’s leg, Seth formally introduces Hardass as his lieutenant assistant manager. Seth says that those employees willing to call of the killer pranks can leave now. All the clerks run away, except for a handful, including Larry and the TIG cutout. Hardass lights a cigar and then crushes it out into his palm to prove he’s not to be messed with.The rest of the unnamed clerks run off, leaving Larry and the cutout. Larry stands behind the TIG cutout and makes it say “this isn’t over.”

Back at the first class bar, Chuck is using a small model of the Eiffel Tower to explain little facts about the real tower to Smallville. Chuck stops suddenly and says that he’s probably boring her.Smallville, passionately hanging on his every word, disagrees and asks where he got his tiny model of the Eiffel Tower. Chuck explains that it was a gift from his father. Smallville asks him one last time, in all honesty, if he has ever been to Paris. Chuck once again stammers yes, but Smallville stares disbelievingly at him. Chuck finally buckles and admits he’s never been to Paris or the Eiffel Tower. Smallville admits she knew all along from one simple fact – unlike everyone else in first class, he’s actually excited about going to Paris. Chuck gives her an “aw shucks” look and says he just made up that he had been there before so he wouldn’t look like an oddball.

Smallville asks what is he hiding from her that would make him such an oddball. Chuck fabricates a little and says that he’s really just a clerk at the Big Lots in Chuck City. The only reason he’s going to Paris is to deliver a bunk bed a customer ordered over the Big Lots website because they don’t know what bunk beds are in France. The customer paid extra to ship it first class, but Big Lots misinterpreted the order and here he is, traveling with the bunk bed sitting in first class. Chuck admits he doesn’t even belong in Paris or in first class. Smallville tells him that he’s wrong because he’s not the only one with a secret. Turns out Smallville has been fired after the 99-cent-store-in-Paris idea went belly-up. Turns out 99 cents in France is just .73 Euros, and Parisians didn’t get why everything was priced at such an odd amount. She says the only reason she’s going to Paris, this last time, is to close up the store for good. Chuck tells her he’s sorry.

Later that night, the actual TIG is asleep in his bed, when he’s suddenly knocked out by Hardass stuffing a poisoned rag over his face. TIG wakes up duct taped to a recliner, facing a television. Hardass hovers behinds him telling him to relax and watch the television as ghostly pictures of Seth flash on the screen. Hardass hypnotizes him by slowly saying “Seth is your boss…” repeatedly.

On the plane, Smallville is laughing at Chuck’s stupid stories about the Big Lots crew, like that one time Seth tried to convince everyone he was dating some punk Asian chick. Chuck takes a sip of his martini, but then gives it a funny look.Chuck asks Smallville if she ordered the drink for him, which she denies. Smallville laughs that it looks like he’s been poisoned. Chuck says he’s fine, despite sweating profusely and getting red in the face. Chuck guesses that the only way he could be poisoned is if he failed the mission. Chuck regretfully looks across the aisleway and sees Stone Cold, who tips his beer to Chuck.

Commercials.

Chuck has now made his way to the bathroom, where he’s on the phone with Cheesecake. Chuck tells her he’s been poisoned.
Cheesecake: “What did it taste like?”
Chuck: “D-Con and weed killer.”
Bad Superman: “Yep, that’s poison.”
Cheesecake tells Chuck that he’ll have to make himself throw up to get out the poison. Chuck is grossed out by that, but if he must, he must. Thankfully, before he starts gagging himself like a supermodel, there’s a knock on the bathroom door. It’s the kindly stewardess from earlier, except now she’s shoving a gun up Chuck’s nose.She warns Chuck not to scream like before, and tells him that she’s the one that poisoned him and she has the only vial of antidote. In exchange for the key, of course.Chuck plays dumb about the key, and gets a blow to the gut, this time by the stewardess. Chuck says that he hid it in the cargo hold.
Stone Cold is already waiting for them when they get to the cargo hold, and he greets Chuck with another punch to the gut. Chuck tells them to stop with the gut-punches, even though it would probably help him throw up the poison quicker. The stewardess tells Chuck to cut the crap and give her the key. Chuck asks for the antidote first. The stewardess laughs and says that’s something an idiot on his first mission would do. Chuck gets a guilty look on his face.

Cheesecake continues to yell at Superman in the spy basement for not only not filling her or Hardass in about Chuck’s real mission, putting Chuck’s first mission on an international plane, where they can’t back him up, and now letting Chuck get captured and poisoned by two KAOS agents. Superman yells back that he didn’t think Chuck would screw it up this bad. Cheesecake tells him he should have watched more past episodes. Superman breaks a box with emergency glass covering it on the wall and takes out a headset. He tells Cheesecake that he has no choice but to initiate his backup plan – using the headset, he calls for control of a secret satellite designed to take control of any airplane. He tells Cheesecake that, since she’s a pilot, she can fly it. Cheesecake says Chuck’s airplane is a very advanced 747 and there’s no way she can control it by headset. Bad Superman solves this by pressing a button, bringing up a flight controller from a hidden compartment in one of the basement tables and by turning the monitor in front of that table into a virtual cockpit view.Cheesecake wonders how long those flight controls had been hidden inside that table.

Chuck’s phone rings in his pocket, although I don’t remember him hanging up from earlier, and he explains to the KAOS agents his bosses are calling and they’re the only ones that can authorize Chuck turning over the key. Instead of shooting Chuck in the big toe to speed up the authorization process, the stewardess instead tells him to answer it and put the phone on speaker. Bad Superman is on the other end and Chuck sarcastically tells him he’s having the best plane flight ever. The stewardess comes right out and asks Superman to have Chuck turn over the key, or he’s dead. Bad Superman calls her bluff and says she can kill Chuck.

Chuck looks a little betrayed by his butt-kissed buddy Superman. Instead of murdering Chuck, destroying the phone, taking the key, and then jumping from the plane when it’s at a safe altitude, the stewardess is shocked and then toughens up, replying that she’s serious about killing Chuck for the key. Bad Superman still gives her the ok, but before she can, he first wants to know what kind of poison she used on Chuck. Instead of lying and making it sound more terminal to speed up Chuck turning over the key, the stewardess confesses that she used D-Con rat poison and Roundup weed killer. Superman recognizes that formula used before, as well as the stewardess’ voice.He IDs her as Maria Poisonetti, a third party KAOS agent from 1701 Elmridge St. in Santa Monica, California, and owner of a 2006 Mazda Miata. Chuck starts to wonder if he has outdated version of Google.

Bad Superman tells her to give Chuck the antidote, and he won’t turn her or Stone Cold in. Maria refuses. Superman tells her again to release Chuck. Maria says she can’t because if her bosses find out, it’s back to the family business, and there’s no money to be made at a place called Poisonetti Pizza. Besides, she explains, Chuck’s all alone with no one to save him. Bad Superman tells her that his agents are never alone, and then gives Cheesecake the go-ahead take over the plane’s controls.Cheesecake nudges the joystick forward, making the plane nearly go vertical. Superman argues with Cheesecake about her poor control. Cheesecake explains that the controls of a 747 are very complicated, and the outdated flight controller was originally designed for the Playstation 2.

From the dip in the plane, Chuck and the assassins are thrown around the cargo hold. The antidote flies out of Maria’s hand and lands near Chuck. Chuck quickly grabs the antidote, while Maria is hit by a piece of falling luggage.Chuck swigs the antidote and then recognizes his bag nearby. He runs over to it and takes out his nunchucks.
Thanks to Chuck saving the term in his Search History, Chuck successfully Googles “nunchucks”. Through the phone, he tells Cheesecake to level the plane out, and then starts doing a nunchuck freestyle that would put Michaelangelo the Ninja Turtle to shame. Unfortunately, when he turns around, Maria and Stone Cold get buried in a mountain of all the luggage in the cargo hold.Chuck calls Cheesecake and tells her he’s totally George W. this time, because this mission is in the bag. Although, Chuck sadly mentions that he didn’t get to use his nunchucks. Cheesecake also sadly mentions that his metaphor refers to George W. Bush being an idiot.

Commercials.

Bad Superman calls in to disconnect the spy satellite link and tells Cheesecake that the pilots will be none the wiser about them taking control, except that the plane and pilots will probably come under immense scrutiny for massive control failure during an international flight. He reaffirms to Cheesecake that even though it looks like he was leaving Chuck high and dry, he doesn’t let anything happen to a member of his team. Bad Superman says that he takes extra care of his teammates, especially after one of his teammates died on his watch. After confiding in Cheesecake, he asks her one last time why she was in Lisbon.Realizing Superman could have taken better care of Chuck by just positioning him as a luggage thrower at either airport and taking the key without Stone Cold ever finding out, Cheesecake decides to tell Bad Superman a big fat lie that she was in Lisbon to scatter the ashes of her dead ex-partner. Cheesecake says that if he’s going to take away her Cheesecake Moments every week, there’s no reason for her to be on this show, so he might as well ask Spy Boss to transfer her off it. Superman explains he just took away her Cheesecake Moment this week to put the focus on Smallville, and that he was just being hard on her to prove she didn’t change sides to KAOS while in Lisbon. Superman assures her that he believes she’s one of them now.

The plane lands in Paris and Chuck is in his seat convincing Smallville that the whole time he was in the bathroom due to airsickness. Smallville says that she’ll be in town for a couple of days clearing out the .73 Euro Store, and invites him to the Eiffel Tower. Chuck immediately accepts, but looks at his watch. Unfortunately, there’s no time left in the show, so he know Smallville has just ironically jinxed him. Bad Superman confirms this by calling in and telling Chuck that Parisian spies will confiscate the KAOS agents, but he needs to stay on the plane to return ASAP with the crypto key.

Chuck sadly tells Smallville that the Big Lots delivery has been canceled and that he needs to go back. Although he assures her that he will make it to the Eiffel Tower someday. Before she leaves, Chuck tells her that if she’s looking for work and ever makes it to Chuck City, he can call in a favor with Seth to hook her up with a job. Chuck gives her his business card. Smallville thanks him and says goodbye.Later, as the plane is taking off, Chuck looks out the window to, naturally, see the Eiffel Tower, and looks like he’s about to cry.

As the Big Lots clerks are relaxing in the newly-restored break room, Larry runs in and see the actual TIG staring at his cup of coffee.Larry yells at TIG, saying that he can’t show up at work, or else that means that Seth has won. TIG just keeps mumbling “Seth is my boss…” to himself, while slowly pulling out his own hair. Peeking in through the break room window, Seth is amazed by the new TIG. He asks Hardass how he did it. Hardass says “something like this.” He stuffs a rag over Seth’s face and carries him away to duct tape him to a recliner.

After the world’s fastest plane ride, Chuck is back in the spy basement with the rest of the team. Chuck presents the Crypto Key to Bad Superman. Superman congratulates him on a successful first mission. Chuck thanks him, but admits he would be dead if it wasn’t for the other agents. Chuck takes a long awkward stare at Cheesecake.

Somehow, Bad Superman has Juggernaut’s gold briefcase, even though I thought Hardass was going to take it to Strawberry Cheesecake’s contact. Superman opens the briefcase to once again reveal the silver Frisbee.Hardass asks Superman, once and for all, if it is a weapon. Superman says no, but instead it’s a lockbox full of KAOS intel from a fallen agent he had undercover. Superman inserts the key, causing the Frisbee to open, revealing four CDs, which he turns over to Hardass. Under the CDs was a small envelope that Superman pockets and walks out of the room with. Chuck and the agents catch this and start getting suspicious.


Cheesecake follows Bad Superman into the other room and drills him on what was in the envelope. Superman turns the envelope over to Cheesecake, who opens it.Out of the envelope drops a female wedding ring. Superman explains that the undercover KAOS agent was his wife. Superman tells Cheesecake that “I guess we both fell in love with spies.”Cheesecake returns the ring and gives Superman a “go to hell” look.

Later at the Big Lots, Chuck is sitting at the service desk playing with his Eiffel Tower model, looking bitter.Seth and Hardass walk up to the desk. Hardass has news for Chuck that, after becoming lieutenant assistant manager, he got a raise. Seth, while trying to remove the duct tape from his clothes, tells Chuck that everything changes even when you leave for two days. Chuck glumly says that he’s wrong, that things always stay the same. Seth pulls a piece of tape out of his hair and asks Chuck what happened with the bunk bed delivery. Chuck sadly says “absolutely nothing.” Seth and Hardass tell that Chuck just wants to bring them down, so they walk off. But luckily, speaking of nothing changing has ironically jinxed Chuck in a good way. He looks up from the desk just to see Smallville walking in the front door and waving at him. Chuck smiles in return.

So there you go. Not only is Superman on this show, but also the chick from Smallville. It looks like in this last season the guest stars are just going to keep coming, like some Saturday Night Live version of Get Smart. Oh well, see ya next week!

No comments:

Post a Comment