
Entering the room, Seth goes to talk to TIG, but realizes that he’s replaced himself with a cardboard cutout for the fifth straight day. Larry offers Seth a cup of coffee, but upon seeing thumbtacks and razor blades floating in it, turns it down. Seth addresses the room and tells the clerks to stop with all the pranks. They’re starting to turn scary and lethal and, honestly, are a big waste of energy. He tells them they could at least be like TIG and refuse to show up. Seth then turns to Larry and asks him to stop clocking in for TIG each day. He concludes that they should just give up, because he’ll never fall for their tricks. He knocks the TIG standup out of the way of the last seat in the room…only to sit down on a giant puddle of glue.

But Chuck is on the sales floor talking to Hardass, who apparently works there for some reason. As he stocks month-old cereal onto the shelf, Chuck asks him what the deal is with Bad Superman always hanging out in the spy basement. Hardass says that, oddly enough, there wasn’t a random apartment available in Chuck’s complex so he’s living in the spy basement for now. He can do that because, as a CIA special agent, he can do whatever he wants, including taking over as lead of their team. Hardass also adds that whenever a special agent is assigned to a mission, they conduct a review on the current team, and right now he’s questioning Cheesecake.

Chuck in the meantime is nervous, since the review is centered around him, and tells Hardass that he just wants Superman to know that he is indeed a real spy, and not just some guy who got lucky with Google in his brain. Suddenly, a loud explosion rocks the Big Lots and Seth comes flying down the back hallway onto the sales floor.

In the spy basement, Bad Superman is feverishly writing notes at the conference table, while Chuck and the other agents sit around the table in silence. Cheesecake sits uncomfortably, since she’s been ordered to wear less revealing clothes this week. Chuck blurts out that Superman shouldn’t listen to whatever Cheesecake and Hardass have said about himself or his ability. The two agents shoot Chuck dirty looks, since they’ve been behind him ever since he was rehired four episodes ago. Superman tells Chuck to can it.
Bad Superman says that he has gone over the team information from the last two years and he has found why the team is so dysfunctional….it’s the fault of the agents. They’re not letting Chuck grow and evolve as a spy. Chuck is shocked to hear that, but totally agrees, like the unqualified suck-up he is. Cheesecake and Hardass are shocked, and Cheesecake tells Supes that Chuck is simply not ready to be a spy. As usual, Bad Superman shrugs off what Cheesecake has to say and tells Chuck that he’s lined up for his first solo mission – going undercover in Paris. Supes asks him if he’s ready. Despite the agents staring daggers at him, Chuck says “absolutely.”
Intro credits. Commercials.
After commercials, Chuck and Bad Superman are walking around the main floor of the Big Lots. Superman is so serious about his job, he decides to take out a spy gadget and discuss it in public.


Later in the spy basement, Cheesecake and Hardass are going over everything Chuck will need for the mission, such as his alias, his contact in Paris, and what’s in his suitcase. Hardass pulls out nunchucks and asks why he’s packing them.







The stewardess comes by and offers them champagne to drink. Chuck initially turns it down because he’s on business, but accepts it after Smallville threatens to take it instead. They playfully try to guess what occupations everyone else in first class has. They pick out diplomats, other businessmen, and Chuck picks out the Yale fencing team. Smallville doesn’t get it until they turn around revealing their Yale fencing team t-shirts. Smallville asks why Yale would spring for first class just for a team of around four guys. Chuck shrugs it off. Smallville turns to Chuck and asks what he does for a living. Chuck says that he works in low-end retail at a very reputable store.



As the plane takes off, Chuck and Smallville are where you would expect them – unbuckled and seated at the bar, where Chuck orders a Bond-style martini. Questioning his choice in drinks, Smallville calls Chuck out on not traveling in first class often. Chuck stumbles a little, but eventually says he flies from whatever city Chuck takes place in to Paris and back all the time. Chuck decides to finally ask what she does for a living. Smallville says she’s a field rep for a chain of 99-cent-stores and handles the opening of new stores, with the most recent one being in Paris. She also tells Chuck that, since this is a TV show, where she’s staying overlooks the Eiffel Tower, the only landmark in Paris. Smallville asks if he’s been there, which Chuck lies about and says he has many, many times.
A bald, muscular guy locates his seat next to the bar and sits down. Smallville points him out to Chuck and asks him to guess the guy’s occupation.

Commercials.
Back from the break, Chuck and Cheesecake still can’t believe that the mission is on the plane. Bad Superman clarifies that the mission is actually Stone Cold himself. He’s carrying a special crypto key in his luggage. The plan is for Chuck to take out Stone Cold, grab his ticket, and match the ticket with its bag in the cargo hold to retrieve the key. Chuck says there’s no way he can take down a huge guy like Stone Cold. Bad Superman reminds him about the knockout pen, and Chuck finally gets the idea. Cheesecake tells Chuck to be careful around Stone Cold, since he is a master of hand-to-hand combat, not to mention the Mudhole Stomp, the Lou Thesz Press, and double-fisting beers. Chuck starts to get cocky, but eventually dorks out once again about being in first class. Cheesecake hangs up on Chuck before he can gush about the hot towels and yells at Superman for not telling her what Chuck’s real mission was. Supes cuts her off and explains that her yelling is the main reason he didn’t tell her. Cheesecake reminds Superman that there’s no way for any of them to save Chuck in mid-air. Superman says that it’s time for Chuck to step up and prove how valuable an asset he really is.
Cheesecake throws the gauntlet down and asks Superman just who the hell he thinks he is, not to mention, who is he anyway? Neither Hardass nor her have heard of him. Superman explains that he likes to keep his secrets. He also takes a jab at Cheesecake being all about secrets, since her father was a conman. Cheesecake is disgusted that he read her file, but Supes has even found stuff not in her file, such as photos of her in Lisbon waiting to jump the shark with Chuck, all the while being AWOL from the Spy Boss. Cheesecake blurts that it’s not what he thinks it is. Superman says what he thinks it looks like is either that Cheesecake is a double-agent, a straight KAOS agent, or that she has the hots for Chuck.
Chuck senses that relationship issues are bogging down the show, so it’s time to get down to business. He walks over to Stone Cold’s aisle and asks if he can take the empty seat next him, explaining that Smallville will not give him any peace and quiet. Stone Cold says ok.


At the Big Lots, Hardass heads to the burnt out husk of what was once the break room and calls Cheesecake to see how Chuck is doing. Cheesecake, knowing the even bigger hardass of Superman is listening in, lies and tells him everything is fine. Seth walks into the destroyed break room and asks Hardass for a favor. Hardass hangs up the phone and says no, he will not rebuild the break room. Seth says that’s not what he’s talking about, and then pulls rank as the assistant manager and tells Hardass he needs his help. Hardass cracks his knuckles in disapproval. Seth confesses that there’s no way he can go against TIG and his lethal gang of pranksters alone. He’s worried all this pranking will either end with Seth dead, the store burning down, or maybe both. The mention of “lethal gangs”, “death”, and things “burning down” reactivates Hardass’ PTSD from earlier and he starts to zone out. Hardass robotically mumbles that the people responsible are insurgents and they must be neutralized. Seth wrings his hands and says “eeeeeeexcellent.”
Walking around the plane, Chuck’s phone magically gives him the access code to the cargo hold door, which he makes his way to and goes inside. Inside the cargo hold, Chuck calls Bad Superman and does his best Captain Obvious impression by saying the holding area is cold. Superman responses with his best Captain Obvious impression and tells him to check Stone Cold’s ticket for the corresponding suitcase to find the damn key already. Superman hangs up before Chuck can ask any more stupid questions.
Since he hasn’t been a complete douchebag for a while, Bad Superman regains his douchy persona by reminding Cheesecake that he only has one weakness – that he’s always right. Cheesecake doubts that. Superman responses by challenging her to prove him wrong about what he’s figured out – that she doesn’t challenge Chuck, but instead wants to protect him. Not to mention that she followed Chuck to the spy training camp in Lisbon. Superman puts his foot down and says she knows he’s right about those things, just like he’s right about Chuck and this plane mission. Cheesecake stops everything and throws it in Bad Superman’s face that he’s dead wrong about the plane mission because Chuck always gets the big, fat Fission Mailed on all of his missions, and there’s no way he’s going to ace it.
The sounds of a failed mission activate Stone Cold’s watch, which detect that he’s passed out and his blood pressure is dropping. To counter this, the watch sends out a mild electrical shock to wake up Stone Cold. Stone Cold realizes that his ticket is gone and sneers.

In the cargo hold, Chuck finally finds Stone Cold’s luggage, which looks an awful lot like a big metal coffin. Chuck immediately calls Bad Superman.



Except that in the spy basement, Superman’s cell phone is ringing in the middle of the conference table. Cheesecake goes to answer the phone, but Superman tells her not to do it. Supes says that this part of the mission is easy, so Chuck doesn’t need to ask any more stupid questions, especially since Stone Cold is knocked out. Cheesecake smacks Bad Superman upside the head because, on this show, saying something like that has just ironically jinxed Chuck. Superman still refuses to answer the phone because he just wants two seconds without dumb Chuck on the phone, so he can check his email.
Getting no answer on the phone and with Stone Cold lurking around, Chuck desperately jumps into the coffin, which is massive enough to hold two people, and comes face-to-face with the corpse, who kinda looks like a human version of the Cryptkeeper. Chuck tells himself not to freak out.

Commercials.
Still in the coffin and out of ideas, Chuck calls Hardass who is busy setting bear traps around the Big Lots stockroom. Chuck quickly explains his mission and tells Hardass that he has the key, but Stone Cold is right outside the coffin. Hardass points out that the next step is for Chuck to get caught, because he’s in the most obvious hiding space, not to mention Stone Cold would probably check on his “luggage” anyway. He tells Chuck that the plan is, when he gets caught, to scream like a little girl to distract Stone Cold, and then find any weapon and Google on it to take him out. Chuck asks what if he 404s. Hardass says in that case, it was nice knowing him. Just then, Stone Cold pulls Chuck out of the coffin and Chuck makes a sound resembling Pavarotti smashing his big toe with a hammer.

Stone Cold stands up Chuck and punches him in the gut. As Chuck reels back, Stone Cold grabs a steel folding chair. Having seen Wrestlemania 17, Chuck knows that Stone Cold is lethal with a chair and starts to look around for a weapon. Luckily he is right next to the luggage of the luxuriously traveling Yale fencing team.


At Big Lots, Seth has all the clerks gathered in the furniture department for a meeting. Several employees, including Seth, walk in with bear traps attached to their legs. While Hardass pries the trap off Seth’s leg, Seth formally introduces Hardass as his lieutenant assistant manager. Seth says that those employees willing to call of the killer pranks can leave now. All the clerks run away, except for a handful, including Larry and the TIG cutout. Hardass lights a cigar and then crushes it out into his palm to prove he’s not to be messed with.

Back at the first class bar, Chuck is using a small model of the Eiffel Tower to explain little facts about the real tower to Smallville. Chuck stops suddenly and says that he’s probably boring her.

Smallville asks what is he hiding from her that would make him such an oddball. Chuck fabricates a little and says that he’s really just a clerk at the Big Lots in Chuck City. The only reason he’s going to Paris is to deliver a bunk bed a customer ordered over the Big Lots website because they don’t know what bunk beds are in France. The customer paid extra to ship it first class, but Big Lots misinterpreted the order and here he is, traveling with the bunk bed sitting in first class. Chuck admits he doesn’t even belong in Paris or in first class. Smallville tells him that he’s wrong because he’s not the only one with a secret. Turns out Smallville has been fired after the 99-cent-store-in-Paris idea went belly-up. Turns out 99 cents in France is just .73 Euros, and Parisians didn’t get why everything was priced at such an odd amount. She says the only reason she’s going to Paris, this last time, is to close up the store for good. Chuck tells her he’s sorry.
Later that night, the actual TIG is asleep in his bed, when he’s suddenly knocked out by Hardass stuffing a poisoned rag over his face. TIG wakes up duct taped to a recliner, facing a television. Hardass hovers behinds him telling him to relax and watch the television as ghostly pictures of Seth flash on the screen. Hardass hypnotizes him by slowly saying “Seth is your boss…” repeatedly.

On the plane, Smallville is laughing at Chuck’s stupid stories about the Big Lots crew, like that one time Seth tried to convince everyone he was dating some punk Asian chick. Chuck takes a sip of his martini, but then gives it a funny look.



Commercials.
Chuck has now made his way to the bathroom, where he’s on the phone with Cheesecake. Chuck tells her he’s been poisoned.
Cheesecake: “What did it taste like?”
Chuck: “D-Con and weed killer.”
Bad Superman: “Yep, that’s poison.”
Cheesecake tells Chuck that he’ll have to make himself throw up to get out the poison. Chuck is grossed out by that, but if he must, he must. Thankfully, before he starts gagging himself like a supermodel, there’s a knock on the bathroom door. It’s the kindly stewardess from earlier, except now she’s shoving a gun up Chuck’s nose.


Stone Cold is already waiting for them when they get to the cargo hold, and he greets Chuck with another punch to the gut. Chuck tells them to stop with the gut-punches, even though it would probably help him throw up the poison quicker. The stewardess tells Chuck to cut the crap and give her the key. Chuck asks for the antidote first. The stewardess laughs and says that’s something an idiot on his first mission would do. Chuck gets a guilty look on his face.


Chuck’s phone rings in his pocket, although I don’t remember him hanging up from earlier, and he explains to the KAOS agents his bosses are calling and they’re the only ones that can authorize Chuck turning over the key. Instead of shooting Chuck in the big toe to speed up the authorization process, the stewardess instead tells him to answer it and put the phone on speaker. Bad Superman is on the other end and Chuck sarcastically tells him he’s having the best plane flight ever. The stewardess comes right out and asks Superman to have Chuck turn over the key, or he’s dead. Bad Superman calls her bluff and says she can kill Chuck.

Chuck looks a little betrayed by his butt-kissed buddy Superman. Instead of murdering Chuck, destroying the phone, taking the key, and then jumping from the plane when it’s at a safe altitude, the stewardess is shocked and then toughens up, replying that she’s serious about killing Chuck for the key. Bad Superman still gives her the ok, but before she can, he first wants to know what kind of poison she used on Chuck. Instead of lying and making it sound more terminal to speed up Chuck turning over the key, the stewardess confesses that she used D-Con rat poison and Roundup weed killer. Superman recognizes that formula used before, as well as the stewardess’ voice.

Bad Superman tells her to give Chuck the antidote, and he won’t turn her or Stone Cold in. Maria refuses. Superman tells her again to release Chuck. Maria says she can’t because if her bosses find out, it’s back to the family business, and there’s no money to be made at a place called Poisonetti Pizza. Besides, she explains, Chuck’s all alone with no one to save him. Bad Superman tells her that his agents are never alone, and then gives Cheesecake the go-ahead take over the plane’s controls.




Thanks to Chuck saving the term in his Search History, Chuck successfully Googles “nunchucks”. Through the phone, he tells Cheesecake to level the plane out, and then starts doing a nunchuck freestyle that would put Michaelangelo the Ninja Turtle to shame. Unfortunately, when he turns around, Maria and Stone Cold get buried in a mountain of all the luggage in the cargo hold.



Commercials.



The plane lands in Paris and Chuck is in his seat convincing Smallville that the whole time he was in the bathroom due to airsickness. Smallville says that she’ll be in town for a couple of days clearing out the .73 Euro Store, and invites him to the Eiffel Tower. Chuck immediately accepts, but looks at his watch. Unfortunately, there’s no time left in the show, so he know Smallville has just ironically jinxed him. Bad Superman confirms this by calling in and telling Chuck that Parisian spies will confiscate the KAOS agents, but he needs to stay on the plane to return ASAP with the crypto key.
Chuck sadly tells Smallville that the Big Lots delivery has been canceled and that he needs to go back. Although he assures her that he will make it to the Eiffel Tower someday. Before she leaves, Chuck tells her that if she’s looking for work and ever makes it to Chuck City, he can call in a favor with Seth to hook her up with a job. Chuck gives her his business card. Smallville thanks him and says goodbye.


As the Big Lots clerks are relaxing in the newly-restored break room, Larry runs in and see the actual TIG staring at his cup of coffee.

After the world’s fastest plane ride, Chuck is back in the spy basement with the rest of the team. Chuck presents the Crypto Key to Bad Superman. Superman congratulates him on a successful first mission. Chuck thanks him, but admits he would be dead if it wasn’t for the other agents. Chuck takes a long awkward stare at Cheesecake.
Somehow, Bad Superman has Juggernaut’s gold briefcase, even though I thought Hardass was going to take it to Strawberry Cheesecake’s contact. Superman opens the briefcase to once again reveal the silver Frisbee.





Cheesecake follows Bad Superman into the other room and drills him on what was in the envelope. Superman turns the envelope over to Cheesecake, who opens it.



Later at the Big Lots, Chuck is sitting at the service desk playing with his Eiffel Tower model, looking bitter.



So there you go. Not only is Superman on this show, but also the chick from Smallville. It looks like in this last season the guest stars are just going to keep coming, like some Saturday Night Live version of Get Smart. Oh well, see ya next week!
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