Chuck Versus the Beard aka Chuck Saves the Day!!!

Recently I noticed my recaps may not be for people of all ages. Due to adult-themed jokes and references, I may be alienating certain groups of people from reading. Namely kids. With this in mind, I decided to dedicate this recap to some of the younger readers out there. After all, this week’s episode contains little violence, no Cheesecake Moments, and a Big Lots crew acting like children. So without further ado, I present…


Once upon a time
Or last week on Chuck
His feelings for Cheesecake
Made his Googling all stuck

Chuck starts in the basement
The agents won’t smile
He asks “What the deal?”
Hardbutt hands him a file

“This week’s mission,” says Superman
“Will be cut and dry,
KAOS plans on turning
A CIA spy.”

Chuck leafs through the file
Pics of spy girls and boys
Superman says Chuck’s Google
Should return their spy choice

Chuck gives back the file
No results, so to speak
“Then you’re off the team Chuck,
Google’s been down for a week.”

Chuck says he’s still valuable
Which makes Cheesecake scoff,
“You know maybe you could use
A little time off.”

Chuck pleads for his job back
Saying his problems would end
It just that he can’t tell secrets
To a single close friend

“Talk to us,” said Bad Superman
We could be your close peeps.
Chuck just turns him flat down
‘Cause he gives him the creeps
“Well whatever your problem,”
Supes says, “get them on track.
Because you’re off the team
Until Google comes back.”

Across town, we find the Unknowns
Looking happy and cool
At a swanky resort
Hanging out by the pool

Unknown Guy tells his wife
Lately he’s had great luck
Which ironically jinxes him
Ring Ring Ring! Oh no, Chuck
Chuck asks him to hang out
For the rest of the show
Unknown Guy just hangs up
After saying “I don’t know”

So Chuck went to the Big Lots
To blow off some steam
But Seth calls him to his office
This was like a bad dream
Seth tells Chuck he’s acting distant
And most times, just plain cruddy
So he tells him he’s fired
As his very best buddy

Later Cheesecake finds out
Where KAOS is meeting
But before the agents leave
Chuck does some more pleading

“No Google means no mission,”
Superman says, “so don’t ask.”
Hardbutt says “Go to Big Lots
‘Til you’re up to the task.”

So Chuck slumps back to Big Lots
Look! It’s the whole group
They’re camped out at Carl’s office
And trying to snoop

Carl comes out of his office
Looking like he had fun
With Jethro from Drew Carey’s show
And a guy from Reno 911
But Carl’s smile soon fades
As the two walk away
He tells Chuck and his friends
He’s got bad news today

“Those two guys are liquidators,
They wanna buy the store.
And all unnecessary clerks
Will be shown the door.”

At the KAOS hotel
Where the meeting starts soon
Supes and Cheesecake check in
Like they’re on honeymoon

But soon the two agents
Unleash their big plan
“Enjoy the room,” grumbles Hardbutt
“’Cause I’m stuck in the van.”
Cheesecake sets up surveillance
To check all of the halls
Hardbutt taps the hotel phones
For outgoing calls

As the liquidator layout guys
Check the store front to back
Carl gathers the Chuck Crew
For a plan of attack
“One-by-one they will interview
Every single one of us,
So let’s promise no one
Gets thrown under the bus.”

The clerks all do promise
To leave backstabbing alone
But weaselly TIG is called first
The crew all starts to groan

Of course TIG is willing
To rat out all the staff
But I’ll just cut to Carl
‘Cause TIG never makes me laugh

Carl agrees with the evaluators
That the clerks sure do suck
But only one has a degree
And that’s our good buddy Chuck

Chuck runs into Seth
Practicing his buttkissing
“Relax, buddy,” says Chuck
“This job isn’t worth missing.”

“You don’t get it,” says Seth
“This might not mean much to you
But working at Big Lots
Is all I can do.”

Chuck is called in by Jethro
“Now let’s make this clear,
Why aren’t you assistant manager?
You’re the smartest guy here.”
Chuck chooses his words carefully
Knowing they pick who stays
“If you want a real smart guy,
Try my best friend Seth Mays.”

At the hotel, KAOS points out
Their target on the phone.
Cheesecake finds who the guy is
It’s Mr. Unknown!
Cheesecake tells the agents
She’s got bad news to report
Obviously they are stationed
At the Unknowns’ resort

Jethro shows Chuck out
And then just to betray us
We find out that he
And his team are from KAOS!

Jethro calls in the layout guys
From their Big Lots defacement
And asks if they’ve found
A door to the spy basement

They say no, but “Big deal,”
Says Jethro in reply
Because he suspects our hero
Is Chuck Buckington the spy
Jethro reveals his plan
As TIG hears what they say
“Terminate all but Seth and Chuck.”
TIG gets scared and runs away

Unknown Guy tells his wife
He finally feels like himself
As Chuck makes flash cards of bad guys
In hopes of getting off the shelf

Hardbutt’s phone rings, it’s Chuck
Wondering if stuff is cool
He tells Chuck to call back
When Google works, you dumb fool

As Mr. Unknown walks over
To get more to drink
Supes and Cheesecake tell him
KAOS wants him, they think
Seth tells his friend Larry
What makes him most sore
Is the layout team checking
Every inch of the store

Seth says worst of all
Is them checking every locker
Larry’s eyes get enormous
Upon hearing that shocker
As he’s called to his meeting
Larry throws Seth his key
And asks him to remove
His locker’s stash with a plea

Hardbutt finds the KAOS room
And breaks the door down
But finds a KAOS phone playing messages
And no bad guys around
After grabbing the KAOS phone
And seeing that KAOS bailed
Hardbutt informs Cheesecake
It’s a big…
After driving the Unknown Guy
To total frustration
Cheesecake says to forget it
And enjoy his vacation
Seth opens Larry’s locker
But finds something pathetic
It’s an oversized bottle
Of medical anesthetic
He hears the layout crew
Coming onto the scene
So obviously he jumps and hides
On top the big snack machine

The KAOS team comes in
And gets straight to the mission
They whip out a scope
That gives them x-ray vision
They point the scope at the lockers
And net a big score
The x-ray reveals
A spy basement door

The team hacks the door open
In Jethro and the team goes
Seth jumps down and squeezes in
Before the secret hatch can close

As Seth looks around
He about has a heart attack
Seeing tons of endless hallways
Just like in Men in Black

Chuck walks back into Big Lots
TIG is scared half to death
He can’t believe he’ll be fired
Chuck just wonders “Where’s Seth?”

Seth sneaks into spy headquarters
And sees Jethro in Reno’s face
“Shut down communications
Then destroy this whole place.”

At the hotel Bad Superman
Has figured out why
They were set up to find
A supposed turning spy

“To get us out of the basement
Was always their plan.”
“But Chuck’s there with no Google...”
The three run to the van
Seth runs back to find Chuck
“You won’t believe what I saw,
A spy basement filled with bad guys...”
Chuck craps himself raw

On the road all the agents
Can’t reach the spy pad
But Chuck can’t call them either
Since his signal is bad

Seth wants back in the basement
He’s all decked out for war
Chuck says bad guys are serious
Let’s evacuate the store

They go out to the sales floor
But what they find isn’t nice
At the front door clerks are building
A wall of merchandise

The clerks are revolting
They refuse to go quiet
Chuck says “They’ll arrest you
For inciting a riot.”

But Carl says “If the fire us,
They’ll live to regret it.”
Chuck just looks at Seth
And they both say “forget it.”

Chuck finally reaches Hardbutt
“We’ll be there in a minute.”’
But Seth’s pumped for the basement
And can’t wait to get in it
Seth prepares his buddy
With a trusty can of mace
But runs into the break room
Oh no! A gun in his face!

Chuck and Seth are tied up
In that weird training room
With Jethro looming over them
Preparing their doom

Jethro shouts at Chuck
“Where’s the files, Agent Buckington?”
Seth reminds him his pal
Is just plain ol’ Chuck Chuckington

Jethro pulls out a straight blade
And in the most violent act this week
Jethro jams the blade
Up against Seth’s right cheek
Jethro screams for the files
While Seth screams for help
“I give up! I’m a spy!”
I think Seth peed himself

Cheesecake makes it to the yogurt shack
“Oh no! We’re locked out!”
Hardbutt finds the wall at Big Lots
“Hey, what’s this about?”
“We’re protesting the liquidators,
They’ll never take our store!”
Hardbutt just rolls his eyes
And goes through the back door

Meanwhile Seth is still reeling
From what Chuck had said
But Jethro reminds Chuck
It’s the files or Seth’s dead

A layout goon says Cheesecake
And Hardbutt have just showed
Realizing those two are spies
Make Seth’s brain asplode

After Jethro’s team runs out
Seth has something to say
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I didn’t want you in harm’s way.”

But Seth accepts Chuck’s spy life
Which explains why he’s so tardy
Although he should have known sooner
Big Lots delivers through third-party

Hardbutt tries to hack the locker door
But he can’t get it open
While TIG sings for the clerks
Which is the last time, I’m hopin’

Reno shows Jethro the KAOS discs
That he found just to thrill him
But says Hardbutt is here
Jethro says to go kill him

Suddenly goons come from the lockers
Poor Hardbutt’s overpowered!
But a high Larry staggers in
And proves that he’s no coward
Hardbutt takes down one guy
While Larry smothers one for the win
But using the goon’s key
Still won’t let Hardbutt in

Superman tells Cheesecake
He’ll make the basement self-destruct
Cheesecake slaps him in the head
“But what about Chuck?”
Cheesecake asks Supes to give Chuck
‘Til the end of the show
“I liked you better as a robot,
Just so you know.”

Chuck finishes telling Seth
How he got in this spy mess
“It must be hard working with Cheesecake
Since you broke up, I guess.”

Chuck sadly agrees
Almost needing some tissues
And then he thanks Seth
For letting him vent all his issues

Jethro enters with the files
And tells the boys “time to die”
But since Chuck’s not stressed out
Googling ‘kung-fu’ gets a reply
So Chuck takes down the goon squad
Who drop one-by-one
While Seth takes out Jethro
Then says “that was fun.”

In the yogurt shack Bad Superman
Says the basement should detonate
But Cheesecake hears something
And tells him to wait
From the back room, Seth swaggers out
Saying he’s in on the scoop
The agents look at him
Like they just ate some poop

Later Seth’s in the side room
Where the agents make him wait
While Superman tells Chuck
They need to ship him out-of-state

Chuck begs old Bad Superman
Not to take away Seth
And Cheesecake agrees
That he’s loyal to the death

Against his better judgment
Supes releases Seth from his cell
Forgetting that working closely
With a friend never ends well

Chuck escorts Seth out the door
Before Supes takes him away
And to celebrate Seth recommends
They have DELICIOUS SUBWAY!

Up in the Big Lots
The clerks are still acting cheesy
The phone rings, Carl answers it
Feeling mighty uneasy

It’s Joe Biglots from corporate
Saying they never really sold them
And while the clerks all celebrate
We see Superman told them

As Chuck enters his apartment
Unknown Guy tells him “wait”
He wants to know why
KAOS used him as bait
Chuck says sorry and the agents
Will look into that stuff
Unknown Guy grumbles off
That’s just not good enough

Unknown Guy storms inside
And tells his wife to get ready
They need to get far away
Like working in the Serengeti

Unknown Lady will miss Chuck City
Since they’re awfully good pillagers
Unknown Guy says “big deal”
They’ll just steal from the villagers

Cheesecake asks Superman
If they need a new base
Now that KAOS got inside
And knows all about the place

Superman assures Cheesecake
He’s got this all under wraps
Besides it’s not like they’d set
A bunch of bugs, bombs, or traps

Selfishly Supes asks Cheesecake
Why KAOS didn’t go for him this week
“Because the hotel was just a setup,
You egotistical freak.”

While Chuck’s playing Duck Hunt
And Seth thinks he’s Googling GameFAQS
Hardbutt’s in the spy basement
For this show’s shocking climax

Hardbutt’s storing away the KAOS phone
He nabbed earlier in the show
But it suddenly starts ringing
Hardbutt picks it up – “Hello?”
“It’s been a while, Agent Hardbutt”
The other end starts to speak
But what does this mean?
Guess we’ll find out next week

So there you go kids
Another recap of Chuck
I hope you enjoyed it
‘Cause I thought it sure did suck