The show starts with the now-useless male unknown guy having a kidnapping hood taken off of his head by a woman who looks like the Desperate Housewives version of the Baroness from the recent G.I. Joe movie.
Unknown Guy is tied to a chair on top of a downtown high-rise looking very confused. Desperate Baroness threatens to throw him off the roof, reminding him that he’s one of the CIA’s best. Unknown guy reassures Desperate Baroness he’s just a side-character on the show. Desperate Baroness isn’t buying it and wheels Unknown Guy to the edge of the building and asks him what it’s like to be a world-class spy.In what can be assumed is the next day, Chuck is freaking out in the spy basement about the Unknown Guy’s mysterious disappearance. Hardass tells him to just calm down and go to work. Chuck sees the Female Unknown Lady furiously dialing outside her apartment and gets even more worried, mostly because he doesn’t know what she’s capable of. Cheesecake parrots Hardass and tells Chuck that they’re looking into Unknown Guy’s disappearance and that he should just go to work and leave them alone. Chuck says he can’t calm down, but decides to go to work anyway, if just to annoy the other characters on the show.
Speaking of Chuck’s work, Seth is in Carl Winslow’s office looking nervous.
Carl tells him to relax and then reminds Seth that he shouldn’t worry because he’s in a relationship with Seth’s mom. Carl says that with the 90’s on the verge of making a retro comeback, he needs to get ready for a Family Matters reunion and can’t spend all day at the Big Lots. With that in mind, Carl asks Seth to be the assistant manager. Seth tries to say no, but Carl tells Seth he picked him for the job mainly because he’s the only Big Lots character that has over 3 lines of dialogue an episode. That and he’s the only clerk that isn’t normally replaced by a cardboard cutout. Seth accepts and they shake on it. Then Seth pratfalls into Carl’s desk and breaks it to get him in the Family Matters spirit.Elsewhere in Big Lots, Chuck is on the phone still bugging Cheesecake about Unknown Guy’s disappearance, leading me to believe he owes Chuck a lot of money. TIG and Larry come up to bug Chuck, while at the same time an Asian woman asks for help finding a product in the ad. Chuck tries to pawn her off on TIG and Larry, but they’ve walked away so that Chuck can see Cheesecake walking in.
Chuck goes over and tries to talk to her, but is blocked by TIG and Larry again. The Asian woman pursues Chuck and yells at him for help. Chuck inadvertently Googles “yelling Asian” and starts yelling an Asian language back at her.
Cheesecake, TIG, and Larry are shocked and the woman runs away crying. Cheesecake tells Chuck it’s kinda racist to yell like that and assume she was an irrational foreigner who didn’t know English. Chuck assures her it was just for the promos to try and get the lowest demographic to watch in this final season. TIG butts in yet again and finally tells Chuck what he wanted. He needs to settle a bet with Larry on who would win in a fight – Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme. Chuck asks TIG if he’s been sitting on this bet since 1996, since neither guy is really relevant anymore. TIG gets mad about the dismissal and starts doing kung-fu poses in Chuck’s face.
Chuck’s Google brings up the Search History for “kung-fu”, causing Chuck to reflexively roundhouse kick TIG in the face, knocking him across the floor.
As Larry goes to pick up TIG, Cheesecake tells Chuck that she has found out that a KAOS agent kidnapped Unknown Guy. Chuck starts to come unhinged, until…Unknown Guy just walks through the front door of the Big Lots. Chuck hugs the guy and asks what happened. Unknown Guy says the bad guys took him because they think he’s International Super-Spy Chuck. Chuck explains that’s what you get for trying to take stuff from another guy’s apartment while he’s at work.Intro credits. Commercials.
In the spy basement, the Spy Boss explains that Desperate Baroness is a KAOS recruiter who’s been trying to get good spies to turn evil. Unknown Guy says he’s really worried because she knew so much information about him – more information than a background character deserves. Hardass assures him that if she really knew everything about him, she would have killed him after talking to established government agents, like him or Cheesecake. Unknown Guy starts sweating harder. Spy Boss also explains that KAOS uses a communicator that looks like the phone Chuck stole from the Mariachi Assassin combined with a small Tupperwear box.
She assures everyone that the CIA is trying to crack it. Chuck sees Unknown Guy breathing heavily into a paper bag and says he’s taking the guy home. Spy Boss says he can’t yet. They have to use him for this mission. Chuck again explains that Unknown Guy is not trained for spy missions, and besides, spy missions are Chuck’s escape from Unknown Guy and his wife, who are always at his apartment. Spy Boss and Hardass explain the obvious to Chuck, which is that the Unknown Guy is the only way to get to Desperate Baroness. The plan will be that the guy tells Baroness he accepts the invitation, and the agents will pick her up and bring her in. Chuck still says no. Cheesecake tells Chuck not to worry and Unknown Guy admits that he trusts Chuck to keep him safe. Chuck finally agrees.Back at the Big Lots, Seth playfully yells at Chuck for leaving early. Noticing Seth’s vest with bits of flair, Chuck asks what his wardrobe change is all about.
Seth tells Chuck that Carl made him assistant manager. Chuck congratulates him on the promotion. Seth tells him he’s sorry that Chuck didn’t get the position. Chuck reminds Seth that he lost a customer, assaulted a co-worker, and left early over the course of a couple of minutes just earlier today, so he pretty much guessed he was out of the running. TIG comes up to Chuck and Seth, revealing a giant bruise on the side of his face.
Chuck apologizes but TIG tells him he’s never felt so alive and thanks him. Larry gets excited and asks Chuck to hit him too, just like Moe used to in the old days. Chuck says this is why he spends most of his time at the yogurt shack and leaves for the day.With the day over, Chuck walks with Unknown Guy back to their apartments. Unknown Guy asks how he got to go home after the Spy Boss explicitly said he couldn’t, and if this mission is so important, how was Chuck allowed to ditch him, finish his shift at Big Lots, and then come home. Chuck tells Unknown Guy this is why he usually only gets three lines of dialogue a week. As they approach the Unknowns’ apartment, Chuck reminds him that in the art of lying to keep a double-life, keep it simple with your alibis. The Unknown Lady opens the front door and gives Unknown Guy a big hug. As expected, Unknown Lady asks where he’s been.
Chuck tries to clue in the Unknown Guy with handsigns from behind the Unknown Lady’s back, but that goes horribly wrong as the guy starts explaining that he beheaded a bear while he was running. Unknown Lady stops everything and asks them if they think she’s stupid.
Chuck doesn’t answer that, but instead asks if she’d believe they were gone for over a day trying to get Hardass out of lockup for drunken disorderly conduct. She buys it, confirming that she is stupid. Hardass comes out of his random apartment and Unknown Lady quickly shoos the guy inside, thinking Hardass is still aggressively drunk after two days. Hardass tells Chuck he liked the Unknowns better when they just ate breakfast with him.With Big Lots almost closed, Seth walks around the store and notices all the clerks are acting cocky and their faces are bruised.
With Fight Club-knockoff music playing in the background, Seth asks Larry what’s going on. Before he can tell Seth the Fight Club rules, TIG cuts off Larry and tells him not to talk to the assistant manager. Seth tries to buddy up to them, but TIG and Larry just call him the “ass. man.” and walk away. Seth’s jaw hits the floor.In Hardass’ random apartment, Chuck has gone back to freaking out about Desperate Baroness’ call to the Unknown Guy. Cheesecake tells Chuck he’s going to have to settle down at some point because he’s going to be Unknown Guy’s handler for this mission. Hardass tells Chuck he’s had handlers for a little over two years, so just evoke your inner Cheesecake. He also tells him that if KAOS hasn’t made a move on the Unknown Guy in what now seems like a day and a half, they’re probably softballing this recruitment, so there’s nothing to fear. Chuck agrees saying he doubts she’ll even call. Of course, Unknown Guy immediately knocks on Hardass’ door and says not only did she call, but she also left a package.
Unknown Guy opens the package inside the random apartment and, as expected, it’s the KAOS phone and Tupperware box combo that Spy Boss showed them earlier. Everyone wonders what could be in the box. The KAOS phone rings and the agents sit back so Chuck can talk Unknown Guy through the call. Chuck tells Unknown Guy to answer the phone. It’s Desperate Baroness, and she tells Unknown Guy to open the package.
Inside are an earpiece and a watch communicator. Baroness tells him to put on the earpiece. Nervously, the guy looks at Chuck, who says it’s ok. Unknown Guy puts in the earpiece and it glows red.
Desperate Baroness tells him to meet her at a downtown office complex in one hour. And if he disobeys anything she says, the earpiece will blow his head off. Nervously, the guy looks at Chuck, who, I think, just peed his pants.
Commercials.
One hour later, Unknown Guy is standing in front of the office high-rise, while Chuck and the agents are stationed inside a van in the high-rise’s parking garage. The guy calls Chuck to make sure he can talk to him without the Desperate Baroness hearing them. Chuck says she can only hear him if he presses the Talk button on her watch communicator, even though the earpiece has a small microphone sticking off of it. To make it easy to tell the watches apart, Chuck has put a different watch on each of the guy’s arms and marked them “GOOD GUYS” and “BAD GUYS”.
Cheesecake reassures Unknown Guy that even though he looks completely suspicious, all he has to do is draw out the Desperate Baroness and she and Hardass will trace her call and bring her in. Unknown Guy anxiously asks Chuck for his thoughts. Before he can answer, Cheesecake again reminds him to be calm for the guy. Chuck robotically says everything is fine.
As soon as the good guys are done talking, Unknown Guy gets a call on his Bad Guy watch. Desperate Baroness tells him to go into the high-rise and get to the penthouse suite. She also tells him to take out any security on the way there, and she will call back when she sees he’s arrived. Baroness hangs up abruptly but, back in van, Hardass says the call was too short to make a trace, so Unknown Guy will have to play along to get another call from the Desperate Baroness. Chuck panics that, even if he plays along, the guy will still have a bomb attached to his head. Cheesecake assures Chuck that Baroness is putting him through too much just to kill him, so he’s in no real unexpected danger. This settles Chuck long enough to come up with a plan: Cheesecake will go after the Desperate Baroness, while Chuck gets Unknown Guy up to the penthouse. Chuck tells the guy to go inside and wait for him to get there from the parking garage, which we’ll soon see is about three buildings over.
Unknown Guy enters the high-rise and is almost immediately accosted by a security guard. Guy tells the guard he’s waiting there for Chuck. In the meantime, we see Chuck sneaking through and around various rooms and staircases. The security guard asks the guy if he’s all right, and the guy spills like he’s auditioning for the Dr. Phil show. He’s been lying to everyone and he can’t take it anymore. The guard asks if it’s Chuck’s fault. Guy says it is. The guard uses this as an opportunity to come out of the closet, and, naturally on TV, start putting the moves on the Unknown Guy.
Chuck shows up and tranqs the guard for being a poor gay stereotype on prime-time television.
Chuck grabs the guard’s key card to unlock the elevator, and the two head to the top floor.In the elevator, Chuck tells Unknown Guy that one single front desk guard probably means they won’t run into any more guards on the top floor. This, of course, ironically jinxes the two as the elevator opens to a hallway full of guards. Chuck Googles “firing range” and quickly takes down all the guards with his dual tranq guns.
Unknown Guy asks if he learned that from spy training, and Chuck admits he actually learned it from Nintendo’s Duck Hunt. Suddenly, a dog starts snickering at Chuck at the end of the hall, causing Chuck to unload the rest of his tranq ammo into it.Desperate Baroness calls and tells the Unknown Guy she’s happy to hear he’s alive. His next order is to get into a room with an unmarked door. This door will have a retinal scanner, so cut out one of the guard’s eyes to get in. Chuck and the guy give each other a “yuck” look, so they drag the chubbiest guard over to the scanner and just open his eye, unlocking the door.
The two enter the room and Chuck immediately sees a CIA insignia on the floor. Stunned, Chuck calls Cheesecake for an explanation, but gets no signal. The signal is also dead in the van on Cheesecake’s end. Hardass traces Baroness from the last call and finds that she’s…walking right by the van.
Cheesecake goes to jump out of the van, but the van goes into total lockdown. The Spy Boss pops up on a monitor and tells the agents that their new mission is to stand down from Chuck’s mission. Cheesecake thinks they’ve been set up and Spy Boss agrees that they have been.Desperate Baroness calls back and tells Unknown Guy to find the man inside the office he’s in and kill him. Chuck reassures the guy that no one is getting killed and tells him to stay close. Chuck opens a door and finds the target with his back to the door. Chuck, felling the Unknown Guy breathing down his neck, instead shoos him away to get some work done. Chuck goes to introduce himself to the target, but the target already knows who Chuck is and the whole deal with KAOS. The target, by the way, is the guy who played Superman in that bad movie that came out a few years ago.
Bad Superman reminds Chuck that Desperate Baroness is coming and she’s expect him dead, so Chuck will have to kill him. Chuck says he’s got a thing against killing people, even though it’s obvious that Bad Superman is setting up a special spot on his chest to hit with a fake bullet. Bad Superman says he’s also got a thing, but it’s against guns, so he’d prefer if Chuck did the job. Chuck still refuses. Bad Superman gives up trying, takes a knockout pill and points the gun to the sweet spot on chest by himself.
He tells Chuck that, when he’s done, give the gun to the Unknown Guy for the credit, and hide. He gives Chuck an envelope to open after Baroness leaves, and then pulls the trigger.
Bad Superman drops to the floor and the Unknown Guy runs in. Seeing Supes in a pile, he yells at Chuck for killing the man, pointing out that he doesn’t have a pulse, but instead has a bullet wound in his chest. Chuck goes to explain, but hears Desperate Baroness coming. He throws the gun to the Unknown Guy and hides behind a desk.Desperate Baroness walks in and sees Supes still lying on the floor. She asks Unknown Guy for the gun and his watch, not asking why there’s a “BAD GUYS” sticker on the side of it. She checks Bad Superman’s bullet wound and lack of pulse and deactivates the guy’s explosive earpiece. She tells the guy he can keep the phone, but he’ll have to ditch the body. On her way out the door, she welcomes the guy to KAOS. After she leaves, the guy responds to this by peeing himself a little.
Chuck comes out from hiding and quickly opens the letter he was given. The letter is from Bad Superman and it says that the knockout pill was to stop his heart and the medicine to restart his heart is in the desk. Chuck finds a syringe of medicine in the drawer and gives it to the guy to jam it into Superman’s chest.
Bad Superman regains consciousness and introduces himself to Chuck as the guy who killed the Superman movie franchise.Commercials.
Back in the spy basement, the Spy Boss officially introduces Bad Superman to Chuck and the agents as a new part of their team, serving as their lead KAOS specialist. Hardass questions his age, but Bad Superman assures them he is quite capable for the job.
Bad Superman dismisses the Spy Boss and hands out KAOS intel to everyone in the room. Chuck wants to know if the Unknown Guy is in danger from KAOS coming after him. Superman points out that Desperate Baroness is about the worst recruiter KAOS has, and if she gave the guy all that breathing room to accept the position, and didn’t check that he was openly working with government agents, Unknown Guy’s information is probably written on a Post-It in the Baroness’ day planner and she’ll process it sometime next week. Because of that, Chuck will have to use the Unknown Guy once again to shut down the Desperate Baroness. Chuck comes clean that he can’t stand the guy hanging around his apartment, let alone listening to the guy whine like a baby for the other half of the show too. Bad Superman asks him if he has a better plan. Thinking on the spot, Chuck starts to focus on a 3D display of the KAOS phone on a nearby monitor.
At Big Lots, Seth is walking around noticing that all the clerks are missing. In fact, people are just running out the door with mountains of merchandise because even the cashiers and security guards are missing. Hearing a loud commotion from the stock room, Seth goes inside. It’s Larry and that one Big Lots clerk that looks like Thurman Merman from Bad Santa fighting in a wrestling-style steel cage.
Seth finds TIG and tells him to stop, which falls on deaf ears. Larry beats Thurman Merman easily, since he’s been slapping around guys since the Depression.
TIG asks who’s next to fight. Seth again tells TIG to stop, but TIG picks a fresh-faced newbie out of the crowd. The newbie tries to leave the cage, unable to use the convenient doorknob on it, and TIG electrifies the cage by wiring a car battery up to it. Newbie flies back inside the cage with a shock and a Wilhelm Scream. Seth enters the cage, somehow absorbing the electricity of the car battery, and tells TIG the Fight Club is over. TIG must not have finished watching Fight Club, because he agrees to shut down the fighting, although in the movie Tyler Durden just let the bar owner beat him up to prove what a nihilistic psychopath he was. And then, just to buck the system, TIG and the rest of the clerks return to work. Chuck shows up at the Unknowns’ apartment later that night and the Unknown Guy answers the door. Unknown Guy tells Chuck that if he gets anymore screen time in this episode, he’ll have to get a real background and personality and he’s just not ready for that much narrative. Chuck tells him to clock out of the show early tonight in exchange for the KAOS phone. Taking the phone, Chuck asks how the guy is feeling after everything. Unknown Guy quickly slams the door to avoid any more insight into his character.
Moments later, Chuck is in the Fight Club storeroom attempting to reformat and hotwire the KAOS phone. Seth runs into him and tells him about TIG’s electrified-cage Fight Club. He then asks Chuck for advise on how to stop it so he can keep his new position. Chuck tells Seth to treat it like the KAOS phone: no matter how unlikely and ludicrously designed it may be, you just to open it up and attack the problem. Seth asks if this means that he should enter the Fight Club, beat TIG into submission, and disband the club. Chuck clarifies that, with everything else on this week’s show, TIG’s Fight Club is half-assed, so just call his bluff and threaten to fire him. Seth thanks him for the advice and leaves, just as the KAOS phone is ready to be activated. Chuck turns on the phone and the Desperate Baroness is on the other end asking how he’s making this call. Chuck mans-up and tells her that the Unknown Guy was just a decoy, and that he killed Bad Superman and is the actual spy she’s looking for.
Commercials.
Later that night, Chuck is standing behind the service desk counter of the now closed Big Lots. He calls Cheesecake and tells her his big plan: he called Desperate Baroness and told her to come to the Big Lots. As he explains this, Baroness and four goons are at the front entrance.
Now all he needs is Hardass and her to come by and take Baroness out. Cheesecake tells him this plan is crazy and Bad Superman takes the phone from her. He tells Chuck that since this is his dumb idea, it’s all on him, so no calling the agents for help.
Superman adds that, with him around, if you fail the mission, it’s on you and not the agents to clean it up. Superman abruptly hangs up on Chuck. Hardass exclaims that Chuck doesn’t have a chance against KAOS goons and Cheesecake agrees that he’ll panic, making it impossible for him to Google. Bad Superman admits that he mostly just wants to see how Chuck’s big plan will play out.Desperate Baroness’ goons unscrew the door from its hinges and enter the store. Chuck ducks behind the counter and grabs the PA microphone, hoping to confuse the bad guys. As expected, goofy Chuck is immediately found. The agents see this from the security camera feed and Cheesecake and Hardass say they’re going in to help. Even though he hates guns, Bad Superman draws dual pistols on the two agents and tells them to stand down.
Desperate Baroness’ goons take Chuck’s hacked KAOS phone, while she comments that meeting in an after-hours Big Lots is definitely different. Chuck explains they’re meeting after it’s closed so the smell won’t be so bad. Desperate Baroness questions Chuck about bringing up Bad Superman over the phone. Chuck repeats himself that he was the one that killed Superman and not the Unknown Guy. Baroness, looking at Chuck’s uniform, has doubts that a Big Lots employee could do such a thing, so she sics two of her goons on Chuck to prove he’s the real deal. Chuck threatens to use kung-fu, but naturally his Google Search History has been cleaned out. Chuck takes a punch to the face and drops to the floor. Chuck pops back up and takes a page out of his co-worker Larry’s playbook by doing some kung-fu noises and poses and then running like hell towards the stockroom.
Cheesecake says screw it and runs to save Chuck. Hardass pulls his own gun on Bad Superman, beating him to the draw. Superman is shocked, but Hardass remarks that, unlike him, he actually likes guns.
Almost instantly, Cheesecake and Hardass are inside the Big Lots. Desperate Baroness has taken two of her goons into the storeroom looking for Chuck, while the other two open fire on Hardass. Hardass tells Cheesecake to go find Chuck while he holds the goons off.
Chuck, meanwhile, is in the storeroom hiding next to the car battery and the Fight Club cage, thinking what we were all thinking the first time we saw there was an electrified cage in this episode. Baroness gets one of the goons to open the cage and, as expected, Chuck hooks up the car battery. The goon is instantly electrocuted and, in the throes of death, shoots the other goon who he must have always had it out for.
This leaves only the Desperate Baroness, who Cheesecake jumps on and starts to fight. This episode once again shows how halfhearted it is, because Cheesecake fighting another woman is as close as it gets to a Cheesecake Moment of the Night this week.
In fact, Baroness undoes the Super Combo/Cheesecake Finish from last episode by beating Cheesecake, kicking her into a stack of boxes in slow-motion. Desperate Baroness searches for her gun on the floor, only to see that Chuck has it and is holding her at gunpoint. Baroness realizes that the only goon Chuck actually killed was by using jumper cables, so she calls his bluff and runs away. Running out the back loading dock door, Chuck stops the Baroness at gunpoint again, telling her please not to move.
Baroness is taken aback that he said “please don’t move” instead of “freeze” like 99.999% of people holding someone at gunpoint would say and then tells Chuck that someone like Unknown Guy would have shot her dead by now. I’m starting to think that the Baroness is from that alternate dimension from the last episode, where everyone worships that guy. Baroness goes to distract Chuck by pulling out her KAOS phone, all the while pulling a throwing knife from behind her back with her other hand.
Suddenly she is shot dead just as Cheesecake shows up. But instead it was Bad Superman who shot her in the back, once again stating how he hates guns.
Cheesecake rolls her eyes over that one. And can you blame her? Of all the ways he could have incapacitated her – knockout punch, tranq gun, taser, shooting her in the leg – he instead kills her, and by using the weapon he hates most. That’s like Indiana Jones taking a guy out by throwing a bucket of pythons at him. Commercials.
Afterwards in the spy basement, Bad Superman congratulates everyone on a mission well done. Hardass grumbles that they got lucky bailing Chuck out at the last second, and walks out. Chuck, also in a bad mood, tells Superman that he’s very serious when friends, family, or even the guy who shows up occasionally in his house are concerned. With Chuck playing the Wimpy card, Supes plays the Serious card by telling Chuck that friends, family, and unknown neighbors are actually a liability. Looking at Cheesecake to break the tie, she sides with Chuck, saying that sometimes it’s good to have a loved one on the line so you know you have something to lose. Bad Superman goes to pull a gun on her, but doesn’t want to look like a hypocrite again, so he just walks off in a huff. Chuck gives Cheesecake a “thanks for the assist” look, while she returns a look that says “save it.”
To wrap things up at Big Lots, all the clerks have once again abandoned the sales floor and are all in the back of the store teasing Seth.
Carl calls Seth into his office and tells him that these guys have been nothing but jerks to him the entire episode, so don’t buddy up to them but take them down. Seth walks up to TIG, who’s quoting the only memorable line of The Warriors to him, and tells him to get his act together or he’s fired. TIG says he don’t have the stones to do it. Seth remembers what Chuck told him and says “screw it, you’re fired.” TIG loses his tough-guy act by immediately begging for his job back. He tells Seth that Big Lots is all he has, and if he’s not the Token Indian Guy, he doesn’t have a personality at all. Seth leaves him hanging for a while and then finally hires him back.
Since apparently all TIG knows is outdated movie references, Seth tells him he’ll be rehired, but he’ll be on double secret probation. TIG didn’t get the reference because R-Rated movies didn’t make it to India until 1979.That night at Chuck’s apartment, Chuck is sitting on the couch checking out the Desperate Baroness’ KAOS phone. The doorbell rings and it’s the Unknowns, who Chuck has invited over for dinner, since Seth is making Big City Sliders tonight. Chuck pulls the Unknown Guy aside and informs him that the Baroness is taken care of and he can go back to being an occasional character. Unknown Guy gives Chuck a big hug. He also hugs Seth for putting up with a Fight Club storyline this week. There’s a knock at the door and it’s Agents Cheesecake and Hardass, who Chuck has also invited. Chuck makes sure to thank Cheesecake for coming, since there hasn’t been any relationship tension on this episode yet. Chuck steps back and looks at all of the people at the dinner table, feeling happy for all that he has.
He especially gives a long, almost awkward, stare to Cheesecake.
Meanwhile, the Grinch of this party – Bad Superman – is back in the spy basement watching it all from a security feed. He takes out a wedding ring to show this spy business has probably cost him someone in the past.
So there you have it. We officially leave the Devon universe, and now things are getting real with KAOS and we’re wondering what the deal with Bad Superman is. See ya next week!
