1) concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
This is the only theory I have for what happens on this week’s episode. Let me explain. On this episode of Chuck, all the characters act so bizarre, so irrational, so…well, selfish that this must be another one of those alternate dimension episodes.
Just like the Shmidel Shmastro episode that took place in the parallel dimension where the Unknowns were the stars, tonight’s episode can only exist in what I call the Selfish World. A dimension where one person’s own desires and wellbeing are all that matters. These people will forgo character development, storyline progressions, and even space, time, and common sense to get what they want. So now that I’ve pointed that out, let’s begin this week’s recap.
Previously on Chuck, he was given his “red test” – meaning he had to shoot a target dead. In this case, a CIA mole working for KAOS. When it came down to it, Hardass took the shot and told Chuck not to tell a soul. Not even Agent Cheesecake. With the mole dead, Chuck was made a real spy and put on a plane to Washington DC.
The show starts with Chuck inside Spy HQ in Washington DC. Selfishly, Chuck is telling himself he’s the best spy ever as he heads for the elevator. He stops for a second, realizing he’s been so self-absorbed, he forgot where to go to meet the Spy Boss. A big guy, looking like a nightclub bouncer, steps off the elevator.


The bouncer goes further down the hallway into a high-security autopsy room, which for some reason has windows on all sides like a hospital nursery. As he walks inside and starts looking around, a grumpy old lab worker tells him he needs to turn over some authorized papers to be in this room. As expected, the bouncer is actually an agent of KAOS, even though a KAOS agent running around THE headquarters for U.S. spies begs so many questions. He shoots the lab worker dead and stuffs her on a slab in the wall.


Chuck finally arrives at the office of the Spy Boss, which has a waiting room full of officials and no less than three secretaries constantly answering phone calls.


In her office, Spy Boss tells Chuck his first mission has been assigned and he’s needed in Rome right away. Even though Chuck knew passing the red test would immediately launch him into a solo spy career, he stammers hesitantly about being directly sent out. Spy Boss lays out the details – he’ll pose as a wealthy American ex-patriot who made his fortune by bringing McCafes to his and other participating Roman McDonalds. The “fortune” part is to draw attention away from all the high-ranking federal associates Chuck will be dealing with.

Selfishly, Chuck whines he’s comfortable with Team Chuck and the status quo of the show, and he’s not ready for a big change. Spy Boss rolls her eyes and asks what he thought the next step was after all his training was complete.


Begrudgingly, Spy Boss goes against her better selfish judgment and makes Chuck a deal. Take the weekend off and go anywhere, on the CIA’s dime, to get your head straight. After that, he is to report back to her next Monday to assemble his team. Chuck asks what she means by “team”? Even though she heavily implied he was going solo in Rome on the last episode, she points out he would have his pick of the CIA’s top agents to create his spy team in Rome. This sets off a huge light bulb over Chuck’s head.
Back in the waiting room, the secretary Chuck interrupted asks which luxurious location he wants to take off to. Chuck just suavely asks to go back to Chuck City because he’s gonna order up some Cheesecake.
Intro credits. Commercials.
All the way back in the Unknowns’ apartment, the Unknown Lady gets off the phone with the hospital where she works. She tells her husband that, inexplicably, they’ve granted her a year’s sabbatical to travel to Africa for the Doctors Without Borders program. Knowing there’s always a catch with his wife, he instinctively asks how Chuck fits into this. Surprisingly and selfishly, she says “screw Chuck.” She figures he’s moved with his life after taking her outstanding advice to dump Smallville. Not to mention, Unknown Lady believes Chuck was sent to Washington DC indefinitely to work with Big Lots Corporate, so now his job opportunities are endless.
The two Unknowns hug and Unknown Lady is especially ecstatic that there’s nothing keeping them from leaving the hellhole that is Chuck City. As she tells Unknown Guy this, he sees Chuck return home to his apartment. Unknown Guy looks puzzled, but quickly fakes a smile for his wife.


Inside his apartment, Chuck shows Seth, who’s actually in this episode, the flowers and chocolates he bought on the way home in hopes of winning back Cheesecake. He asks Seth if this is laying it on too thick. Seth doesn’t say a word, but Chuck assumes it is and throws the sweetheart stuff onto the floor.
Seth tells Chuck he can’t expect to buy back her love with crap. Chuck admits he knows this, but he just realized how much he loves her and only has a small window of opportunity before being shipped off to Rome. Seth asks what’s in Rome. Chuck explains his ass is going to Rome for a new assignment starting next week.
Squeezing his way in through the window, Unknown Guy tells Chuck he’s happy to hear that he’s leaving soon because the Unknown Lady won’t leave for Africa if Chuck’s still hanging around. Even though his wife just got done telling him to forget about Chuck since he’s out of their lives. Chuck selfishly says he’s not going anyway without his well-deserved Cheesecake. Unknown Guy announces it is now his selfish mission to get Chuck and Cheesecake back together, so he and his wife can leave Chuck City.
Hardass pops out of the shadows, surprising everyone, and says Chuck doesn’t stand a chance stealing Cheesecake away from Bad Superman. Since this is Selfish World, Bad Superman has amplified Cheesecake’s programming by 200%, guaranteeing she’ll never break his mind control. Chuck just scoffs and selfishly brags that he’s THE Chuck Chuckington, and for Hardass’ information, he coming with an invitation for her to join his team in Rome.
Hardass’ ears perk up. He asks if Chuck can even pick honorably-discharged alleged traitors of the government. Seth shuts him down saying Chuck will obviously pick his best friend, even though his spy activity barely even classifies him as a “consultant” and most likely Seth would just be thrown into federal containment, or worse, for knowing too much about the CIA’s practices. Chuck breaks up the discussion, saying first he’s going after Cheesecake and then he’ll talk about making bad decisions about his team.


Chuck walks down into the spy basement to meet with Cheesecake. Unfortunately this week, since her Superman-influence is too strong, there’s no Cheesecake Moment of Chuck checking her out. He says he’s been trying to call her but has been getting no answer.

Chuck explains to her how the Spy Boss flew him to Washington DC and made him a real spy. Cheesecake just says “*beep boop* congratulations.” Chuck starts bragging about how THE Chuck Chuckington is so cool, in Rome he’ll have a mansion fit for Scarface and an entire McDonalds under his control. But most of all, he wants her to come to Rome with him as his top CIA pick. Cheesecake coldly says her destination is to accompany Bad Superman to Washington DC to start a dry-cleaning business.
Chuck begs her to reconsider, especially since he’s now an honest-to-goodness spy and there’s nothing to keep them apart job-wise. Cheesecake replies he is no longer the same Chuck she met those 2.863 years ago. Chuck asks when he changed. She says her image of him changed the day he shot the mole dead.
Cheesecake goes into Standby Mode while Chuck tenses up. He doesn’t snitch on Hardass, but promises to her it didn’t happen how she thought it did and she needs to believe him. Cheesecake responds his explanation is illogical, and she still doesn’t believe him. Bad Superman butts in, at first looking mad, but then he shakes Chuck’s hand and congratulates him on becoming an actual agent.






Hardass selfishly says there’s no way he’s going to turn himself in. He tells Chuck to just shut up and take credit for killing the mole already. Seth walks up and asks how things went with Cheesecake. Hardass says Chuck blew it. Reaching his breaking point of bad news, Chuck says his only option is to quit the spy biz. He leaves the store to try and figure out what to tell the Spy Boss. Seth yells at Hardass for being passive about this whole matter and decides to take some action.
He walks over to the service desk and finds TIG and Larry behind the counter. He starts to talk to them about Chuck and suddenly Larry rambles a complete recap of Chuck’s goal to get Cheesecake back. Amazed but a little creeped out, Seth asks how he knows this. TIG explains they have so little to do on the show, they just sneak around and make everybody else’s business their business. He also says they know all about Cheesecake and her new boyfriend, Bad Superman, and then asks Seth if he wants some more creepy recon on the guy.


This turns out to be Larry’s 1980’s-quality van, which pulls up beside Chuck on his way to his car after closing.

The van pulls up to a luxurious restaurant and everyone but Chuck pulls out binoculars to start spying. Bad Superman and Cheesecake, all dressed up, go into the restaurant for their dinner date. Seth is impressed by what a smooth operator Superman is, but Unknown Guy says not to worry since they have a plan.


Commercials.

Inside the restaurant Superman apologizes for not taking Cheesecake out for a special date sooner. Totally under his control, she robotically says she understands and is having a wonderful time. Superman replies the evening is perfect, just like she is now. They toast to his outstanding mental programming.
In the Team Chuck van, somehow their binoculars are rigged with listening devices and they hear Superman selfishly say, just like everyone else, that he can’t wait to leave Chuck City. Having heard enough, Unknown Guy tells Hardass to go get him. Hardass reminds the guy, as a civilian, what he’s telling him to do is abduction which will land him straight in jail.
Hardass says it’s Chuck’s ballgame now. After arguing with Unknown Guy about pickup techniques, Seth reminds Chuck that all Bad Superman has going for him is mind control, because everybody watching can tell he and Cheesecake have absolutely no chemistry or a solid storyline link between them. But what Chuck does have is a fun personality and the charm to win Cheesecake over. Seth tells Chuck to get in there and go for it, meanwhile he’ll take care of Superman.
As Chuck walks up to the restaurant, with the KAOS agents watching everything, Bad Superman is drawn away from the table by a waiter with a phone call for him.


With Bad Superman gone, Chuck walks up to Cheesecake at the table. She asks what he’s doing there. Chuck honestly says he’s there to get her back. Cheesecake says her response remains the same and going back to him is illogical.


Outside, Seth is still acting like an ass, leading Superman away from the restaurant. In their van, the KAOS goons peg Seth’s phone call and verify he’s not a real KAOS agent. The bouncer tells his guys to take out the imposter. By this time, Bad Superman has also tracked down Seth’s call by using his magical spy phone.

Back inside the restaurant, Chuck is making things a little clearer for Cheesecake. He says he understands she doesn’t think he’s the same guy she met in the first episode. He says it’s called character development and also the fault of this season wanting to go in an ill-advised serious direction. He admits there is one good thing to come out of this overarching wrong turn – it’s made him a real spy and now he can be with her. A glimmer of free will starts to sparkle in Cheesecake’s eyes.
Back in the alley, Seth sees how serious pranking a federal agent is as the bouncer’s two thugs come up to get him. He sees one of the thugs point a tazer, but Superman goes into action.


A barely coherent Seth calls back to the 80's van and Unknown Guy spots Superman running back to the restaurant. Thinking Superman took out Seth, Unknown Guy tells Hardass to stop him. For the millionth time, Hardass explains he’s a civilian and doing that would be assault. Unknown Guy says “screw it” and runs out to do it himself.

Inside the restaurant, Chuck is about to pull out the big guns and tell Cheesecake “I love you,” when suddenly Unknown Guy tackles Superman, sending them both flying through the front window of the restaurant and crashing into Cheesecake’s table.

Commercials.
The next day, Unknown Lady drags her husband, Seth, and Hardass back into the apartment courtyard after bailing the out. She angrily stops the guys and yells at her husband, saying she expected this sort of behavior from weirdos like Hardass and Seth, but not from her straight-laced, hardly-existent-on-the-show husband. Neither Hardass or Seth question why they even got locked up considering they had nothing to do with assaulting Superman or destroying the restaurant.



Now that a KAOS threat has shown itself, it’s time for Spy Boss to reveal this week’s mission. With Chuck on his Casanova quest, it’s up to Bad Superman and Cheesecake this week. She explains the crusty lightbulb the KAOS Bouncer fished out of the Shlubby Sportcaster’s dead mouth was really a CIA database he swallowed before he died. This means the bouncer’s scanner was really a super-magnet he used to draw the database out of the dead guy’s stomach. The Spy Boss spells out the objective to Superman – retrieve the stolen database.
Superman calls an audible on the plan and mentions how the bouncer wanted to take him to the KAOS director. He figures he’ll plant a tracker on himself, let the bouncer take him back to the KAOS director’s base, and then the feds can track the signal and airstrike the place to kingdom come. Cheesecake thinks twice about this plan, saying he should see what KAOS wants with him first. Superman, selfishly wanting to go all out, says what KAOS wants doesn’t matter and all that matters is taking out their base. Spy Boss interjects that being inside a terrorist base while it’s getting firebombed isn’t the smartest idea. Superman, bound and determined to go out in a blaze of glory, says he doesn’t care about the circumstances. Spy Boss just shrugs and says it’s his funeral before signing off.



When Chuck gets back to his apartment from wherever the hell he’s been the night before, he sees the Unknown Lady has broken in and is sitting on his couch. Chuck says it’s been a long night and cuts to the chase by handing her all the money in his wallet. Unknown Lady explains she’s not there to rob him, she just wants to talk to him.
Chuck starts by apologizing for getting the rest of the numbskulls involved in his plot to woo Cheesecake. Unknown Lady cuts him off mid-apology by punching him in the gut and telling him that’s his problem – he didn’t woo her hard enough.

Down in the spy basement, a robotically-smitten Cheesecake tries one last time to talk Bad Superman out of being abducted. Superman coldly says this is expected in the spy game so she should just deal. Cheesecake says that response does not compute, so there must be another way. Superman assures her this is the only way to fully take down KAOS. All this martyrdom talk excites Superman, and by design Cheesecake, and the two of them share a passionate kiss.








Since a man running off to a kamikaze mission is some heavy stuff, we go back to the Big Lots where TIG and Larry are stocking shelves. Larry starts complaining about Seth and the guys taking his stalker van. TIG agrees, upset they weren’t invited to spy on Superman. Larry is especially insulted, seeing how most people consider him the creepiest guy in the store anyway. TIG says, as horrible as that sounds, he has a point.

In the spy basement, Cheesecake follows Superman’s beacon, but can’t stand staying on the sidelines. She goes into a sideroom to do some research, but Chuck knows this will only spell trouble. He uses a nearby computer and puts the sideroom on lockdown, sealing Cheesecake behind large glass blast doors.


Commercials.
Bad Superman meets with the KAOS Bouncer and his men under a bridge, while TIG and Larry watch from the creepy 80's van. The goons drag Superman behind their black KAOS van and out of TIG and Larry’s sight.

Cheesecake paces around her isolated sideroom, desperate for a way to escape. Looking around the room, she catches a camera view from inside Big Lots and sees Hardass is working.


Apparently known to Cheesecake, all this wiring is linked to the wall lighting in Big Lots. As Cheesecake presses the exposed ends together, this causes the lights to flicker off and on.


Across town, Chuck has followed Bad Superman’s signal to the bridge. He tracks the signal to the regurgitated AA battery in the middle of the street. While he wonders how it got out of the guy, Chuck phone rings and it’s TIG.



Chuck meets with TIG and Larry at the KAOS warehouse. He honestly congratulates them on taking eavesdropping and eerily invading people’s privacy to a whole new level. Larry oddly asks if Chuck needs any protection weapons before he goes in – pulling out a pair of brass knuckles and nunchucks.


TIG and Larry look down at the weapons and suddenly realize pieces of dead hooker are still smeared all over the things. Larry quickly hides the items behind his back and the two creeps run off.

What he finds in the warehouse is nothing except a fake pop machine. Since everyone, including Chuck, knows there’s no drink named “Dr. Jibb”, he Googles “pop machines used as evil hideout entrances.” Google asks “Did you mean: soda machines used as evil hideout entrances,” and returns the circuitry layout of a typical evil soda/pop machine to help him crack the code on getting in.



Over in Washington DC, the Spy Boss is talking with a UFC-fighter-looking general about the upcoming airstrike. UFC General says the airstrike is all set and asks what his orders are. Spy Boss gives him the go-ahead. He stops and asks what about Bad Superman. She says, selfishly but correctly, no one really cares about Superman, and he won’t be missed.
At the same time in KAOS HQ, Bad Superman is thrown into a dark, empty room. He’s joined by the KAOS director, played by the guy who also plays Jim Sterling from the TV show Leverage. Superman tells Sterling to kill him and get it over with. Sterling eerily says he wants to educate him first. He also admits he has the answer Superman’s been seeking.






Chuck spots a guard at the end of a hall and picks him off with ease. Chuck pauses, impressed he tagged the guy without needing Google. But his good luck runs out as the KAOS Bouncer and a random thug hold him up at gunpoint. They tell him to drop his gun, which he does, but Google isn’t going out without a fight.








Commercials.
Later in the spy basement, the Spy Boss congratulates Cheesecake for taking out the KAOS warehouse/spy basement, but in reality she should get a...

Chuck walks into the basement and asks what’s the latest news on Superman. Cheesecake says he’s unconscious, but is expected to make a full recovery. With absolutely no possible way of Superman coming in and cockblocking him, even in this plothole-heavy episode, Chuck musters up all his selfish wits and goes for broke.






Cheesecake has apparently teleported to Superman’s hotel room, where I guess she’s been shacking up recently. There’s a knock at the door and it’s Hardass.


Chuck, also a teleporter, is waiting for Cheesecake at whatever random train station he assumes she’ll know the location of with all his bags packed. Cheesecake also magically has her bags packed and is ready to go. Before she walks out the door, she eyes her gun and decides to completely jump the shark, throwing it away and onto the bed.


Teleporting back to the spy basement, the Spy Boss informs him the CIA has somehow recovered the thumb drive Superman plugged in from the burnt-out husk of the KAOS spy basement. She plays the video from it, showing Chuck the home movies of Mrs. Bad Superman. Selfishly, Chuck asks what the big deal is. She tells him to keep watching, and soon the video of Cheesecake killing Mrs. Bad Superman shows up.


Chuck tenses up, saying if KAOS showed this to Bad Superman, he’ll surely turn into a bad guy. Even though this video could have been altered to add Cheesecake’s face to someone else, and if Superman was halfway intelligent, he would see KAOS was just trying to get to him. Knowing the mentality of this show and Superman, Chuck just assumes he took the footage at face value and is now a follower of evil. He quickly asks the Spy Boss where Cheesecake is.
She says she was last seen with Superman, even though it was established he was unconscious in a hospital bed and Cheesecake was ditching all her spy equipment to get off the grid. Chuck gets worried, knowing her with him isn’t good.
And it really doesn’t look good as Cheesecake is in Superman’s car, desperately trying to call Chuck as Superman drives further out into nowhere.


So it looks like Bad Superman has really turned bad and Cheesecake is in for a world of hurt. But, if I may be honest, I have to admit this was by far the worst episode of Chuck I have ever seen. Not only was the main storyline boring and stupid, but the inconsistencies between how the characters acted and got around was overwhelming.
People just magically appearing around town. Everybody just helping Chuck for the wrong reasons, rather then just trying to back a friend. Or wanting to absurdly go after KAOS instead of taking the smart approach, like Superman had been doing the whole season. Or even ditching work like TIG and Larry to stalk a total stranger. The Selfish World spin was the only way all of these character flaws even made a bit of sense.
So where do we go from here? Obviously, Chuck not going to jump the shark by running away with Cheesecake, or by becoming a real spy in Rome. So that means the “now he’s a serious spy” intent of this season is out the window. Now it’s just back to Chuck and his crew of loveable, now mostly non-spy losers to save the day and take out the bad guy. Which now is Bad Superman. Which it could have established that he was a turned CIA agent that had the hots for Agent Cheesecake at the beginning of the season to save some time and add some mystery.
But instead he’s introduced as a bipolar good guy – mentoring and applauding Chuck one minute, and facepalming and trying to steal his girlfriend the next minute. Not to mention his non-chemistry, across the board, he had with Agent Cheesecake. And now 12 episodes into the season, most of those episodes being unfunny padding for the Superman character, it’s time for Chuck to get down to business. Which isn’t funny. On a show that’s supposed to be a wacky nerd fantasy. I don’t know. All I’m saying is get your shit together, Chuck show, and remember why people are watching you. See ya next week.